Every week, Preen tackles motherhood sans the rose-tinted glasses. Our columnists L. Juliano, Marla Darwin, Monica Eleazar-Manzano, and Rossana Unson tell their personal experiences like it is—at times frustrating, oftentimes confusing, but always enlightening.
Money has always been a sensitive topic to broach but you will have no choice to deal with it the minute you see the second line on that pregnancy test. In most scenarios, once all the feelings of excitement and elation settle, couples will be faced with the less welcoming feelings of apprehension and anxiety. These will most likely be feelings of inadequacy. “Will I be a good parent? Will I be able to provide this baby with everything he or she needs?”
For anyone else who can relate to my financial fears, maybe we can commiserate together. My husband and I are a young married couple, are small business owners, and live in a small apartment. We don’t have much to work with money-wise, and like with every choice we’ve made in our lives, we choose to see it through the lenses of our lifestyle.
One of my girlfriends told me a long time ago that all a baby really needs during the first few months are milk and love. I took that to heart but things got a bit complicated when my husband told me to list down what we’ll need so he can make a budget for it. I entered “What do newborns really need?” into Google and sifted through several blogs and articles on their various takes with my query. Even with the relatively conservative list I drafted up, I felt my butt cheeks clench (sorry, that’s what happens when I get nervous).
Google is the devil. I wanted to narrow my choices to local sources so I added “Manila” to my search terms. With that I was introduced into the wonderful “Mommy Industry” in this country. For the uninitiated, if you’re a social media savvy mother (plus points if you’re an ex-model), you’ll be able to amass quite a following if you have an adorable baby, cute OOTDs, Pinterest-worthy home interiors, useful tips, and a nice down-to-earth appeal. No one attracts a following the way these moms do—which would be other mommies, especially the anxious first-time ones, dying to know what’s trendy and new in the quest to be the best moms they can be.
You see where I’m going with this, right? If you need someone to push your products, these social media moms are the way to go. So off they go, peddling their latest sponsored discoveries and endless events (where you have more goods displayed to you). Here’s the rub: Most of these moms get their stuff for free. Their picture perfect Instagram lives sustain themselves. It’s something to consider when you see these gorgeous women swimming in products, leaving you wondering if you need to have the same stuff to be as happy or perfectly styled as they look.
It’s ridiculous when you tally it all up and it’s often the more expensive brands that get all the exposure—co-sleepers for P16,000! Strollers for P30,000! Breast pumps for P20,000!. It’s even more ridiculous when you realize that babies outgrow all of these things so quickly. Unless you plan on having more children or you belong to social circles that don’t mind passing around old baby gear, it just doesn’t make sense to be shelling out so damn much. The Mommy Industry is big money and such a waste.
Sometimes the hormones and the anxiety would get the best of me and I was beginning to wonder if I was a bad parent for not getting the “best” gear ready for my baby. It’s not a popular opinion, but I’m not a fan of aspirational mommyhood. I get that it can be an escape from the mundane and that it can inspire us to dream more but there’s also this tendency of subjecting our kids and our spouses to the insecurities these things cultivate. All the more so when there isn’t enough representation for frugal living, which isn’t a surprise because where’s the money in that?
Not all of it’s so bad. I was able to find things I really liked and I did find the newborn to-buy lists a good jumping point. What really helped me the most though was reaching out to friends and acquaintances and interviewing them about what items really worked out for their families. Were sleep sacks worth it? Should we buy a car seat that can be used until toddlerhood? Which disposable diaper brands did they like? I wanted pragmatic and cost-effective advice from people I could form relationships with, not brand endorsers with curated online personas.
My daughter spent the first few weeks of her life with items that were gifted or handed down to us. In a way my girlfriend was right: The most important gifts I gave her were my milk and my love. We still have a lifetime to figure out the rest.
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely those of the author in her private capacity and do not in any way represent the views of Preen.ph, or any other entity of the Inquirer Group of Companies.
Art by Dorothy Guya