DEAR EMILY,
My 22-year-old son recently got his girlfriend, also 22, pregnant. They were former classmates in computer science. The girl comes from a well-to-do family, where her parents are both professionals. This girl told me about her pregnancy a month ago, but kept it a secret from her own family. I warned her to tell her parents about it, but she refused.
Last week, her mother “summoned” me and my son to a meeting at their house and she was very agitated. The father and mother were there when we arrived, and immediately both started raising their voices at us. They accused us of conniving to keep this pregnancy secret, and how my family has lost their trust. The father slammed my son for taking advantage of their daughter after all the faith he had in him!
They want a full-blown wedding with at least 180 of their relatives and friends in attendance. The mother said it’s the first wedding in their family, and they want it “en grande.” They also want it in two weeks’ time because any later date will clearly show her pregancy and cause embarassment, the parents claimed.
Since I came alone with my son, with no other relatives to support us, I just sat there quietly. I just said I will have to consult my husband, who is a janitor OFW in the Middle East.
I am a lowly government employee myself and so is my other child. We can barely pay for our small apartment and utilities with the low salaries we are getting.
I told my son to fix his wedding himself with his girlfriend and insist on just a small wedding in the municipal hall to get it over with. He said it was impossible, as the girl’s parents are adamant about a big wedding. He knows how our loans from both banks and sharks are barely paid on their due dates. There is nothing to sell anymore or credit to borrow. We’ve exhausted all our options. Are some people really heartless and unthinking?
—Exhausted Mother
If there is a person you should be talking with in earnest, it is this girl who allowed herself to get pregnant. She wasn’t raped! The decision was 50 percent hers. Whatever happened to abstinence? Or condoms? To saying NO? She’s a 22-year-old college graduate! Did she still think babies came from storks?
The girl’s parents may be trying to keep up with their Joneses, but not you! Didn’t this pregnant girl guess your hand-to-mouth-existence when she was coming to your house? Wasn’t she able to compare her household and yours—or was she completely blinded by her love for your son? How can she allow her parents to demand something that would be a pain for your family to grant? That’s unconscionable!
Let your son handle this problem. It’s his problem! He is of age! This is not even a problem in its true sense. It’s just an embarrassment for the girl’s family—an image problem that is so shallow! Your son cannot and shouldn’t in conscience subject you to this kind of ordeal, to this suffering. Saving face is so fake, as it is just pride! Take note that if you have already turned to “sharks” for help, you must really be in dire straights.
Stand your ground. Nobody will die from shame over having a simple marriage.
E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo@gmail.com, subject: Lifestyle.