DEAR EMILY,
I met this guy while I was waiting in line at a 7-11 in Tokyo. I didn’t even notice him. It was only when I greeted a friend in Tagalog that he smiled at me and remarked that he didn’t know I was Filipino. He thought I was Japanese, while I thought he was a tourist because of his mestizo looks.
He started talking to me, and even invited me for coffee later. I wore no makeup and looked simple. When he asked what I did, I told him I taught part-time English in a private home. He couldn’t have assumed I was lying, as I spoke fluent Japanese.
We both found out we’d be returning to Manila within weeks of each other. I said I was visiting my mother. He promised to keep in touch when we got back home.
He’s on yearlong training with a Japanese bank, and is being readied for promotion in Manila. He is three years my junior.
I am in my 30s and have been in Japan since I was 18. I was a Japayuki for 12 years and became fluent in the language to attend to good clients. I unexpectedly got pregnant by the club owner. My son is now with my parents in the province.
I found a full-time job as a housekeeper when I decided not to do the club scene anymore. The owners of the house are a wealthy Japanese couple whose children are all professionals. I was able to save a lot by not having to spend for dresses anymore. The reason I gave for the leave was that my mother was sick, but it was really to see my son.
The guy called me as he promised when we got back, and we’ve been seeing each other regularly. He lives in a Makati village with his parents and younger brother. One of his great-grandparents even has a street named after him.
I knew then that I was out of my league! He asked me not to go back to Japan anymore when I told him I only had a two-month vacation. He said he wanted to know me better because he thinks he has fallen in love with me at first sight.
He wouldn’t listen to the usual “we don’t know each other, etc. etc.” talk. So I just laughed and thanked him for it. I never mentioned my past life in the club, or my son.
He is the first guy who doesn’t want anything from me but myself, and I don’t want to lose him. I was never ashamed of my job in Japan because I was able to build a small house for my parents and send my two siblings to school.
But I am not that person anymore. How can I tell him about my dark past, including my son, without embarrassing myself to him, his family and friends?
JAPAYUKI
You’re lucky to be living in this time and age. Minds are now open and have grown bigger than a pea! Attitudes are exponentially different, no matter the past, and—who the hell cares?
There is such a thing as salvation, forgiveness, moving on. Did you know that the future queen of Norway was a former waitress and a single mother?
Then she met a guy, the future king, who told his parents—the present monarchs, who objected to his choice of bride—that he will refuse the crown if he is not allowed to marry her. How is that for spine! This former waitress with a love-child from a previous relationship is now the crown princess! Love triumphed!
This guy of yours from Makati will never be king, so this small bump on the road, this problem about your past, will clearly not cause any constitutional issues for the country. You’re home free to his heart when you say the word.
Since you clearly know more about him than he knows you, isn’t it only right that you share your past by throwing caution to the winds—if this relationship is to be solidly on the right track?
Don’t be coy or embarrassed! There are only two things that can happen. He folds up, loses his courage and leaves you. That will prove he isn’t worth your lifetime. If so, shed a few tears, have some sleepless nights, and move on.
But, if he’s made of that genuine, sturdier stuff and fights for you, goodness gracious! He may not make you a princess, but you’ll be one lucky girl in any language!
Breathe deep, hold your head high, and do it! The truth will set you free.
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