Your social media news feeds have been deluged with divisive opinions about everything from Duterte to diets. You have been turned off by your Facebook friends’ rants or political perspectives, so much that you have stopped following them.
In his book, “Being Your Self,” British author, life coach and management tutor Mike George explains the root of conflict: “There is no right or wrong in terms of your perceptions and beliefs. No one is ever right or wrong—we all just have different points of view at any given moment. And they will change, too. We just get ‘stuck’ when we become attached to one particular point of view… We then label the other and their belief as ‘wrong.’”
He explains that being fixated on a certain viewpoint results in defensiveness, especially when somebody challenges it. It’s a mistake to react when you feel you’re under attack.
“The mistake needs to be corrected,” he says. “That starts with letting go of the ‘I am right’ belief and being open to others’ points of view. Unfortunately, most of us are deeply programmed in the belief that there is ‘right and wrong’ that we jump, even if it’s only in our mind, and judge and condemn others for what we perceive as their wrongness.”
This is when we get upset or respond negatively. “We lose our peace, we lose our capacity to care for the other, and we lose our happiness. But we can’t see how we are doing that to our self so we blame and project our pain onto others.”
Then again, there are emotions that are born out of ego, and they can be addicting. “Emotion is the disturbance of the energy of your consciousness (your ‘self’) when the object of attachment is damaged, threatened, moved or lost!” he explains.
Waste of energy
The author cites instances when reacting negatively becomes a waste of energy. “It normally occurs when someone does not do, say or be what you want, and then you become upset such as when property is damaged; when you are on the receiving end of someone’s insult; when someone lies to you… It signifies that we have lost control of our consciousness, of our self, and an emotional flaring has taken over.”
He explains that all disturbed emotions come from attachment. One has clung to an idea, a person or situation in the mind and believes it’s a reality.
“All mental/emotional suffering comes from the ego, from the attachment to, and identification with an image, idea, memory, concept or belief appearing in our minds. The attachment can last for a second to a lifetime,” he says,
To deal with emotions, George suggests looking at them objectively, admitting their discomfort and identifying them. “As you do, you are withdrawing the life-giving energy of your consciousness, so the emotion must subside and die. All emotion dies under observation,” he points out.
Emotional literacy is developed so you can read your emotional states. That also becomes the basis for your capacity to empathize with others’ emotional states.
In the end, George says, the ego is neither good nor bad, unless you start putting on a false front or believing in illusions about the self.
Guarding against ego requires sensitivity on a subtle level. George cites “egoless moments” when you were in a good mood and just accepted everybody and every situation as they are, or when you shared without expecting anything in return.
Increasing these egoless moments is good, but George warns about false modesty or trying hard to appear virtuous or spiritual or holier than thou. “All you can do is ‘notice’ your mistakes, notice what you are creating and putting in the way of being your authentic self. Stop doing that.”
Through a constant practice of meditation and contemplation, you will notice what makes you hold on to certain beliefs about your self, others or events. “The more you become aware, the less power your miscreation will have over you. One day, it will have no power,” he says.
Mike George will be a guest speaker in the dance concert “Being Yourself” on Nov. 22, 7:30 p.m., at Power Mac Spotlight Center, The Circuit Makati, A.A. Reyes Ave. Makati City. The concert is directed by Ed Lacson Jr. and choreographed by Ernest Mandap.
Call 09179803541.