Dear Emily,
This is the fifth Christmas of broken promises made by my boyfriend. Seven years ago when we started dating, he was still married and I had just separated from my husband. Two years later, he finally got an annulment from his wife. He promised to start a new life with me, and I believed him. He said he would help me get a divorce abroad and that we would marry immediately.
I got a new apartment to erase the memories of our past lives, started anew and waited for him to make the next move. Nothing happened since then.
I am not that dense to know that those commitments have gone down the drain, never to be fulfilled now that he is free. Whatever for? He can have any woman he fancies and not be saddled with some middle-aged 50-something like me. But every time we’re together, he becomes that sweet, nice, generous man I fell in love with.
There are no other opportunities for me—not many I can look forward to, so I’ve stayed on. If I were to just concentrate in the present, I’d be happy and content, because we are happy just the way we are. But it’s his broken promises that seem to be fading away that are giving me stress. CHRISTMAS SADNESS
Unless you held a gun to his head and made that demand, yes, you have every right to hold him to his promise. There should be accountability for words—otherwise, that’s just spit coming out of his mouth and polluting the air. Words should have gravitas and honor attached to them. It’s only the charlatans and congenital liars who put no meaning in their words, rendering them pathetic and worthless.
But knowing what you know, and feeling how you do, take stock and decide your next step. Maintain the status quo if you so wish. After all, aren’t you enjoying him anyway without the commitment of a marriage contract? Don’t overly stress yourself by galloping into the future. Focus on the present because neither you nor he has the crystal ball to look into it.
Isn’t tomorrow—the future we look forward to—always and only a day away, to paraphrase a song? Enjoy the moment and try not to split hairs defining every minute detail in it. Life is too short!
E-mail the author at emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com