I’m 24 years old and I just got engaged. My problem: My family is against my fiancé who has HIV, which he got from his mother, who contracted it when she was pregnant.
I still went out with him and fell in love. It’s not his fault that he has HIV. The doctor said we could get married and have sexual relations as long as he continued to take his medication and use protection.
My parents have now disowned me. I’ve moved in with my fiancé and his family—who treat me like their own. In some ways I’m happy, but deep inside I still want the blessing of my family.
DISOWNED
You’ve made your bed— comfortable enough to lie in it? HIV may not seem to be the death sentence it once was, but add to his doctor’s admonition not taking unnecessary risks of having open wounds, blisters or scratches that could allow the virus to enter your system. It’s going to be a matter of chance from here on, playing Russian roulette subconsciously, constantly. As for having kids later, that’s another matter.
To quote from Invictus: “You’re the master of your fate, you’re the captain of your soul.” You’re of age and have set the course of your life. More importantly, no regrets allowed—now that you’re about to bite the bullet.
Dear Emily,
I’m a 63-year-old mother of five adult children. Four of my children are married, have families of their own and are all professionals.
I have a big problem with my youngest daughter, who is 30 years old. She is engaged to someone I really hate. He has a criminal record, among them, arrests for petty theft and estafa. He looks disgusting with his body tattoos and multiple earrings. His teeth are yellow and he’s going bald. He hasn’t even finished school.
My daughter claims that he has changed and that they’re both attending a born-again Christian church, that he has repented and accepted Jesus as his savior. I hate him and don’t trust him at all. I know I sound overprotective, but I love my daughter and I want what is best for her.
CONCERNED MOTHER
You’ve made this “unlikable” boyfriend such a forbidden fruit that it has only emboldened your enamored daughter to go the distance with him. Don’t trust the judgment of your 30-year-old? Is she seeing something in him that everyone else cannot? Honestly now, has he never manifested any iota of goodness in him?
Sometimes, the worst of them turn out to be the best of them. Let your daughter fly to the sun and melt her wings on her own accord. Allow her to experience this foreboding unknown. It’s her life, not yours.
Why not transform yourself instead into an understanding mother? If you’re proven correct, she can always come back to you—this time with her tail between her legs.
But what if he is truly the Mr. Right for her? Will you eat your humble pie then?
E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com.