Dear Emily,
I’m a 32-year-old mother of a baby boy who is now 6 months old. I recently separated from my husband because he cheated not just with one, but with a number of his coworkers.
One mistress came to my house and confessed she is now pregnant with his child and begged for my forgiveness. Then I caught my husband with another mistress at the mall, who was pregnant as well. I wanted to slap both of them, but managed to hold my temper.
I told my husband it’s over between us, but he cried, got down on his knees and begged me to stay.
His excuse for cheating was that we haven’t had sex since the birth of our son. He said a man has his “needs” and that I didn’t provide them. My mother-in-law even blamed me for his cheating, saying I’m not good in balancing my duties as a wife and mother.
My first priority is my baby. I’m always tired as I don’t get enough sleep. It’s not easy; I’m struggling now, and I thank God that my parents are supportive.
My husband has made a mess and I don’t want to be a part of it.
—Betrayed Wife
Not to condone those two heartbreaking surprises wrought by your jerk of a husband, but marriage will never be a bed of roses and you’d seldom be spared the obstructions along the road like bumps and potholes in this relationship.
Don’t be fooled that leaving your husband now will immunize you from having future troubles with another man. Marriage is day-to-day toil between two people who fell in love and envisioned a life together, who knew that the bad went with the good, that problems either strengthened their foundation or chipped at it, that the maturity of both would be tested, and that the love they professed in the heat of passion could actually foil any trial they faced.
Sure, your husband made a mess of your marriage. It’s so simple to tell you to abandon the creep since marriage has become such a disposable arrangement. Couples break up without regret or hope of forgiveness. Marriage vows have become useless and almost a joke that they are just mere suggestions now.
But can’t you be the adult in the relationship and make something of it? It’s not a game where you can just up and go, turn your back at the mess it has become and declare it null and void at the first sign of trouble. Pause and think hard to give this marriage another chance.
If you can ask the heavens for forgiveness, isn’t your jerk of a husband allowed to ask forgiveness from you, too? You don’t have to be a hero here. Just be a mother who truly wants her family together.
E-mail the author at emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph.