Dear Emily,
I am 19 years old and in a relationship with a married man who is separated from his wife. Their annulment is in process. He has three kids with her, and another two with a married ex-girlfriend whom he impregnated during their affair.
I’ve accepted his past because I really love him but his married ex-girl friend is ruining our relationship. She won’t stop bugging him and sending me humiliating threats and calling me vile names. What should I do? – Stressed
Answer:
Nineteen and already stress-out? Do you realize you’ll still be under the medical care of a pediatrician were you to get sick at this time? Shouldn’t you be tracking down the latest fashion trends, going to parties and hanging out with fun people your age – instead of being harassed and hounded by a mistress and other people’s children?
Loving a man with a checkered past and allowing yourself to be led into this fog of uncertainty and upheaval could be baffling to one so young. Is he the only man who ever courted you and short-changing yourself this early?
He is clearly experienced and obviously mired in failed and miserable relationships. Not having learned his lesson at all, here he is again, about to mess up another woman’s life – YOURS, who is barely out of her parent’s protection. This guy is definitely becoming an arbiter of bad partnerships.
Age 19 is still an age of innocence – or age of ignorance in your case, for playing grown-up. Why not learn about love and how wonderful it is from more deserving men with integrity – instead of getting your tutorials from a cad who has reneged on his responsibilities to the children he had sired, and with his vindictive mistress in tow, is now exposing you to its attendant pain and agony.
Try to value your youth more. It could disappear in an instant and all that will be left may just be regrets.
(emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com)