Dear Emily,
I have a pretty officemate who is married with four children. We’re both 43 years old. I am also married with three young kids. Her husband is abroad working as a seaman. She is really very attractive and very sweet. Whenever she asks me for a favor, I always grant her request.
She is always on my mind—even in my dreams. She shows such sweetness to me in the office. She even calls me sweetheart publicly, which I’ve tried to ignore. I keep praying that I be spared all thoughts of her since I know it is not morally right.
I’ve heard of some illicit relations between office workers who fall in love or lust after each other. I will definitely not allow this to happen to me. She has just become a close friend. I don’t want to lose her trust in me if I take advantage of our closeness.
I know some of my male colleagues are eyeing her for themselves. But she is closer to me than to them. What shall I do?—Bothered Officemate
Propinquity is almost always the cause of office romances. Why not? You get to spend more time with each other than with your wife and family. More glaring is her predicament, since her husband is abroad. It is clearly not morally right, but being human, you are right smack in a place so susceptible to temptation.
Is anything wrong in your marriage for you to be lusting after a married woman? Is your bond with your wife loving? Happy? Is she a kind and understanding person you can openly talk to without it turning into a shouting match? Are your officemate’s wonderful traits magnified and she is able to seduce you because she’s the complete opposite of your wife?
Pity, too, the sacrifice her husband is making, working far away from his hearth and home, while his wife—in all probability—is more than appreciating the favors you’ve been giving her, as well.
If there is no gaping hole in your life that needs fulfillment by this officemate, you could merely be having a huge crush on her and its attendant flirtation. This may simply go away should you completely rein in your fixation on her. But if you keep marinating your thoughts in her syrupy nature that, you’ve confessed, is already leaking into your dreams—then you are really courting disaster, big time!
Have you considered being moved to another department should your feelings for her become untenable? Do yourself a big favor by walking away from her, cold turkey. No drama or tearful confessions. That is if you’re being honest and want no part of her. This a lose-lose situation. A totally momentary, transient pleasure with no winners. Just a case of two families—yours and hers—in the process of being ruined, down a very uncertain road. Unless—your feelings for her are already being set in stone.
Write to emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com.