DEAR EMILY,
I am abroad working as an instructor in the Middle East. I have been here for the last 13 years. Life has become better because I was able to provide for the needs of my parents and send my brothers and sisters to university. I’ve also built a house and bought a farm for my parents.
Despite being financially stable, I am not happy. I haven’t come out of the closet, and only my gay friends know the real me.
I have been in a relationship with a man before but it only brought me a lot of troubles. I want to try another relationship but I am so afraid it might hurt me like before.
I will be on holiday there soon, and again I will be with my friends. For sure they will again be pushing me into a relationship like theirs. All of them are professionals and I have seen them happy.
I want to be happy. I want to be loved by someone who understands me. I want it to last long, not just for one night.
—Mario
You want to be happy, you want to be loved, you want to be understood—blah blah blah…. You and a few billion other gays, and straights, for that matter, have the exact same problem and aspirations for themselves! Be very careful, though, of what you pray for—it’s been warned—for you just might get it.
This feeling, this momentary disconnect you’re in, is like running after a faceless person, the Mr. Right who you think will make your existence whole, and frustrating you with how long it’s taking. Bear in mind that what you’re grasping at may be something which could blow up in your face, and you’ll lose everything you’ve worked for all these 13 years. Or finding it may give you happiness at last.
Instead of being constantly disappointed, why not treat it as an antsy feeling that can be remedied by a good book or an animated conversation—followed by a frigid shower and sound, deep sleep?
You’re possibly bored witless, earning a living nonstop, with too much time in your hands after work. It might be a good idea to refrain from looking over your shoulder at your friends, whom you perceive to be having such wonderful, nonstop, gay lives. You’re not in their shoes and therefore, not at all privy to their own disappointments and frustrations.
It might surprise you no end if you’d find one day that they’re looking at you from their rear-view mirrors themselves, and wishing they had your independence, your freedom, from the albatross many of them may have hanging round their necks.
Show your gratitude and find contentment with the fact that you’re one of the very lucky few whose financial woes are not even on the burner anymore! Nothing to devour your mind on how to pay this or that, and just about everything around you during your waking hours. No meter running to watch your expenses, no fending off those bank lawyers knocking on your door, no telephone calls or collectors to hide from. Freedom in all its essence.
Be like that motionless branch of a tree or flower in the bush, and allow the fleeting and constantly searching butterfly to perch on your shoulder; clearly a metaphor for allowing this love you’ve been searching for to find you and take hold of you. Let love seize you—at its proper time.
(emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com. Subject: Lifestyle)