Dear Emily,
I met this guy professionally in an international conference abroad where he was a speaker representing the Philippines. I found him impressive. He is very respected in the academe, while I head a regional NGO.
I saw him again in two conferences in Manila. We never got introduced. But on another forum abroad where he and I were delegates, he came up to me from a queue at the buffet and we got to talking. Before we all departed for home, he asked for my number. He didn’t call, just as I had thought. He only did after I ignored him when we met again abroad.
I am a single mother, and it’s common knowledge he is married to this beautiful, well-connected woman. What’s not known is that, though they live in the same house, they have been estranged for years.
He told me he likes me very much, and has shown much interest in me. But our relationship is so wobbly and devoid of continuity that I am not sure if I am in or not. He is nice, brings me on wonderful short trips here and abroad, but he is not generous enough to remember my birthday or Valentine’s Day, or call when he is away. My pride is so strong that I would never pin him down and ask to define our connection. He goes in and out of my life with no complaints from me.
My problem is, I have fallen in love with him, but never will he hear the L word from me. We’re mature people and can just continue as is. But, I just need us to be in a committed togetherness—no demands of sleepovers, no talk of marriage, no financial set-ups. But I don’t think he is capable of that.
HE’S LUKEWARM
Yes, he’s lukewarm and you’re a masochist—to come straight to the point. Whatever made you fall for him, anyway? Won’t call you on your birthday or Valentine’s Day—the two MUST days in the calendar of budding lovers! Never mind Chinese New Year or Thanksgiving!
Are you a terribly lonely single mother that you’d fall for a creep, no matter if he’s impressive, but who saunters in and out of your life like it were a bus depot? Of course, there’s no fool like a fool in love.
Bite your tongue. Eat humble pie and go for the jugular. Ask him pointblank what the status of your relationship is. He might be the type who needs to have his brain shaken up and swirled around till he makes up his mind.
You’re sure to get either of these two answers—a yes or a no. Either one will solve your misery.
Go for it. You’re too old to be coy or to start acting like a blushing flower. Life is too short to wring your hands, asking questions he alone can answer.
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