I received an e-mail from a friend, telling me about a delicious lunch she attended and that had ended rather poorly with her and another lady having “a verbal altercation about a silly political issue.”
She was sad that her friend “would not accept my reasons for disagreeing with the latest dictum from the Supreme Court. But I knew I was right.”
What had begun as a sober discussion became a heated debate. Voices were raised and nasty words were spoken.
“I said something I know I shouldn’t have said,” she confessed. “Well, it was the truth. But I realized soon after I spoke the words that it was neither the time nor the place. I apologized but she just smiled and turned away.”
My friend was disconcerted. She asked what I thought she could do. “The damage is done,” I told her. You can do nothing.”
She was not happy.
The incident is too familiar. I have had my own “foot in mouth” moments. These are not pleasant.
Why do we open our mouths before we think? Our words rush out at a mile a minute before our minds can engage, and as soon as they hit the target, regret sets in. It is too late. There’s no way to take them back.
An old college professor at the University of the East, my mentor in business Spanish, repeatedly taught us that silence was often the best and only perfect answer. Perhaps his advice was a by-product of constantly telling us to be quiet in class. I don’t know.
But Mr. Mabanta was emphatic, insistent even, about how important and powerful it was to intentionally remain silent especially when emotions ran high. He told us: “A veces, para comunicar, es mejor callar (Sometimes, in order to communicate it is better to keep quiet).” He wrote this on the blackboard for us to remember.
I can’t count the times I have forgotten this precious lesson. Too often, I have found myself mortified to discover that I mistakenly dished out sarcasm instead of wit. There is a fine line between both, and crossing it can cause irreparable damage and unspeakable pain.
I believe that being right is highly overrated. It is no longer as important as it seemed when I was young. It was a contest I had to win. I had to be the one with the real story. Nobody else.
But now, with the passing of the years, I finally get it. Having the last word is not world shaking after all.
In a recent commentary, blogger and columnist Patricia Holbrook says:
“When it comes to unjust attacks or veiled insults, the question becomes one and only: will we stoop to their level, scream louder and uglier, or will we respond with silence and kindness? It depends on what we wish to accomplish.”
My question: How does one curb the urge to get down and dirty?
Holbrook continues: “At some point, we must decide whether being right is more important than being kind, and whether any given argument is worth losing our testimony.
“Kindness toward our attackers does not mean weakness on our part. Silence as an answer to those who accuse us does not mean we believe they are right.
“Rather, kindness or silence as an answer simply means that we are wise enough to grasp this truth: A harsh impulsive word is usually followed by regret. On the other hand, we don’t ever have to explain the things we do not say.”
‘Binondo’
The genius of director Joel Lamangan and writer Ricky Lee and the music of Von de Guzman will once again thrill audiences when “Binondo: A Tsinoy Musical” is staged at The Theatre at Solaire. It opened Friday night, June 29.
With choreography by the inimitable Douglas Nierras, “Binondo” boasts of an incredible cast of film, TV and stage luminaries like Shiela Valderrama Martinez, Carla Guevara Laforteza, Arman Ferrer and David Ezra. The libretto is based on a love story shared by producer Rebecca Chuaunsu.
“Binondo” runs July 1, 3 p.m. and 8 p.m.; July 6, 8 p.m.; and July 7 and 8, 3 p.m. and 8 p.m.
I hear tickets are selling briskly. With all my heart I hope it breaks records. I am sorry I will miss it. But I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a repeat when I return. Please.
Not-so-breaking news
For the past week, all US media has been in a frenzy broadcasting heartbreaking scenes of children separated from their parents as they try to enter the United States to seek asylum.
Who is to blame for this inhumane policy? Fingers point in different directions. Children have become unwitting victims of politicians and their selfish agenda. It is sad.
Finally, US President Trump has signed an executive order to stop the forced breaking up of families. But it is far from over.
Prayer groups have come together on both sides of the “wall” to storm heaven for clarity and compassion.
Sacrilege
I get news from home and I am stunned. Outraged. The God I worship has been blasphemed!
Words from the Book of Galatians come to mind. A warning: “Do not be deceived. God is not mocked. For whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.”
We must pray. On our knees. Without ceasing.