Dear Emily,
When my mother planned on marrying someone who we already thought was a gold digger, after the annulment of her marriage to my father, we were proven right.
He was handsome, of course, younger than she, well-traveled, but had nothing to live on. Mother was extremely generous to him and, for a while, he made her happy. Why shouldn’t he?
She bought him the car of his dreams, gave him a job that paid him more than he needed to entertain his free-loading friends. He has been living like a prince.
But after almost 10 years, the cracks are showing. He’s always out at night, goes out of town with his friends every weekend, and turns off his cell phone during that time.
We, her children, who have families of our own, are all fuming mad. We should not meddle in her affairs, but we find her sad, always looking in the horizon in deep thought. She calls my father for comfort and he gives her the time, however tied up he is.
I want to teach this jerk a lesson, but I don’t want to go to jail. Perhaps a few broken bones that can’t be repaired on his pretty face, ribs and extremities would do the trick?
—Riled up
You crack me up with your delicious suggestion. Yours is a visceral reaction to the agony of your mother who is continually being hoodwinked. You just want to seek revenge in whatever form for a human being who isn’t fit to be loved by someone you love dearly.
But this lover of your mother’s is clearly just being a jerk! If there is a person to be shaken to come to her senses, it’s your mother. Her vulnerability during all her lonely years made her grasp at straws to fill up the void. And along came this jerk.
Much as you hate the guy, you her kids can never compensate for the touch and warmth of a lover. But, considering the alternative, she may welcome the heartwarming comfort she can gather from the people who truly love her. Just be around her and make her feel you are never far away from her.
At this stage, she’d need constant reassurance—whenever. It’s a touch-and-go situation while she’s still being weaned away from this jerk. It’s a long process, but it can happen.
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