DEAR EMILY,
I am an OFW and about to turn 35 with no boyfriend. The pressure to get married from family and friends is intense.
Eight months ago, I met a 31-year-old guy online and have been chatting with him almost every night. We’ve “talked” about everything you can think of, including marriage, the type of wedding we like, etc. I have fallen in love with him and my friends actually think we are in a relationship already. He is fond of sending me links of songs that I am hopefully reading as romantic lyrics he is singing from his heart to mine.
I took the risk of telling him what I feel for him by sending him an offline message in his YM. He said he was shocked at what I wrote and didn’t understand what he did for me to fall for him. He confessed that he liked me BUT that love is not his priority now because he is still trying to balance his life and work.
I cried for days and this only made me fall deeply in love with him more.
Nothing in us has changed and we still chat every night. We continue to chat about our experiences during the day. We even talk about both of us waiting for the right person, with him telling me to be patient because he might just be around the corner, and me telling him that when he proposes to his dream girl, he better make sure that she says yes to him. He said he was sure she’d say yes.
Is this guy worth the wait?—Cinderella
Is he worth the wait? How much time do you have? Have you even met the guy?
What he probably really wants is friendship with you. He may be singing all those lyrics to you for the love of the songs! There’s an old Sinatra song that goes, “…when I am not near the girl I love, I love the girl I am near…” Could that message apply to you, perhaps?
It’s not easy not to fall for someone you’re near—the curse of propinquity I call it—because you may be misreading every nuance, every inflection in his messages. And you had to confess your feelings for him! Didn’t he himself ask you “where that came from?” Doesn’t that speak volumes on how disconnected he is to what you two are talking about?
Hold your horses and temper your desire for him. He might wrongly deduce later that there’s really something between you two, when there’s clearly none, and make things worse!
You’re only 35, for heaven’s sake. Is there a rush? Are you actually internalizing the pressure from your not so sensitive family and friends to get married? Will you turn into a church mouse if you don’t get hitched any time soon? Not to rain on your parade, but have you any idea on the statistics of broken marriages these days?
Enjoy your singlehood! You’re young, you’re making your own money! Travel! Meet more interesting people! And stay away from your computer. That will only bring you unnecessary heartache from this untried and untested man.
Why twiddle your thumbs for him when the whole world is at your feet waiting to be discovered! Live!
(emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com—subject: lifestyle)