Dear Emily,
Seven years ago, I met a single dad in an event, and we hit it off quickly. So quick that after a year, I had a child with him. It was a roller-coaster relationship that ended after our child turned one. His constant visits to our child did not cease, and we found ourselves spending more and more time together again. Eventually, we decided to give our relationship another shot.
It was complicated, as my family looked down on him because I earned more, and he was not treated well when he came. Being a single dad added to the complication. We tried to plan for the future but ended up fighting about certain issues. We broke up the second time when we agreed we didn’t have common ground.
It has been over two years but he still visits our child, who is now six. They regularly spend time together, and he provides meager financial support to him. Recently, he introduced our child to his older one.
I have since moved on, have a thriving career and even secured a place of my own. He is doing quite well himself. We have not spoken to each other since the last time we broke up, but a recent school event had us talking again.
The question of whether it would be worth giving ourselves another chance came up. I am very wary to try again, but seeing how he and our child are so happy together really melts my heart.—Day Runner
The mere question of giving yourselves another chance is in itself a revelation of where your state of mind is. Unknowingly, you’ve already opened up a tiny window to accept this father of your child again. What you are really longing for is a push, a heads-up signal, an affirmation that you are on the right path with your decision, and hoping it is the right thing to do.
Sure, you’ve been burned by the revolving door you and this father of your child engaged in twice in your complicated relationship. Sure, it left you wary and heartbroken. But despite that, you know deep in your heart that somewhere along the way, you have both matured beyond your previous conflicts and grown close enough to understand each other fully to want to get a third chance at a life together.
Go ahead, why not? You apparently have not obliterated him, or thought less of him, despite the confusions that plagued you early on. Compare your relationship with him to a stationary car that has never been turned off—one that was left just idling away—waiting to be driven again in a moment.
Seeing how touched you were to see two people you care most happy together is certainly beyond words. Bask in this overwhelming joy and go for it. If the choice is between following your heart or following your head, the choice is certainly clear. Trust your own instincts and do what you feel. Regrets here, if ever, will be less painful.
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