When I was 25, I met a woman 20 years my senior and fell deeply in love with her. She separated from her husband early in their marriage and had one child. I had two children and was married at that time, but that didn’t stop us from having an affair. It was passionate and fulfilling, and she taught me how to be a man and experience stuff in life I couldn’t have known.
Due to my youth and stupidity, though, I continued to play the field behind her. I worked in sales and met women of all shapes and accomplishments, most of whom I couldn’t refuse. I am quite tall with a certain appeal, so I reveled in their attention.
After a while, this woman said that, though it would feel like death if we separated because of how deeply she loved me, she’d had enough of my “additions” and broke up with me after a relationship of 15 years.
But I never forgot her or got over her. She taught me so much about life. The others could never compare with her, but being weak, I continued my stupid affairs anyway. Women were like drugs to me, but they were all just momentary highs.
We saw each other again recently at my request. She has grown older, but still looked classy and pretty, despite not covering her grays. I even looked older, having lost my youthful looks and hair.
She was still friendly and kind, but I saw in her eyes a certain coldness. I wanted to ask her to accept me again and restart the life we had, but her glare stopped me. This time, she was really done with me, and I have only myself to blame.
The women who pursued me then are all gone, and I regret profoundly my arrogance then to think that it was going to be a never-ending party for me.
The life unfolding ahead of you is exactly what you sowed in your youth. Your enjoyment then, while it has turned into regret now, should serve as a lesson learned as you move on. Everyone experiences regret; you have no monopoly on it. Instead of pining over chances lost, make this experience your go-to source for strength.
Make everything you learned from this woman the backbone you need. Let her be your guide in making your life better, and in finally finding the love you can be satisfied with and faithful to. How did you think you could ever find love, when you were never satisfied with what you had when you had it?
Your youth may have faded now, and you had your fun while it lasted. Remember it as the lasting residue of what you had with her. Let it linger on in the shallows of your mind. You’ll be amazed at how those memories could bring warmth and joy when you need them.