Feelin’ young, feelin’ beautiful, and feelin’ important. Market research tells us that these three “women feelin’s” are the motivational triggers in determining women’s needs and wants. They’re the aspirationals. When fulfilled, women fall in love, and they become more lovable to men.
Men should adopt these three women feelin’s, not only as their attitude but also as their behavioral pattern in pursuing and securing the love of a girlfriend. Most of all, the wifey. It’s a cinch! We simply respect the dictum of femininity. It guarantees a lasting and rewarding man-woman relationship.
There’s a caveat, though. When practiced by macho men, it can be misconstrued by the male chauvinist group as a form of gender submissiveness, derogatorily called being “under d’ saya” (beneath the skirt). Ignore the hooting. You’ll be the winner in the end.
I’ve seen many happy 6 ft-4” American husbands play this role with my 5 ft-1” petite cousins in the States. Being under d’saya, especially if your wife is Filipina, is more fun than being a pain in the arse.
The three women feelin’s, sometimes called by pop psychologists as “that woman thing,” are suggestive of women’s behavior that defies logic. A source of befuddlement for men, particularly the narrow-minded, the dogmatist, and the humorless.
Women drive men crazy because they are difficult to figure out. There’s a lot of indirect talk. They say maybe when they mean no, and they say no when they mean yes. They seldom say yes because they like to change their mind, and this is why many men force their desires on women. Men say their hearts will melt anyway.
Recently a friend with a terrific sense of humor sent me six women words that can stupefy us men.
Here they are, with my instinctive reaction in parentheses:
Fine! To end an argument when she is right and the man needs to shut up. (Let’s shut up. Tomorrow is another day. The climate may be sunnier.)
Five minutes. If she’s getting dressed up, this means half an hour or more. (No sweat. Get dressed yourself, then calmly watch TV news or write a poem, or read a chapter of a Stephen King thriller or say a rosary for the poor souls in purgatory.)
Nothing! This means something. This is the calm before the storm. Be on your toes. “Nothing” usually begins with an argument that ends in fire and fury. (We sit tight. We simply listen. Or change topic. Say you bought a shopping tour package for two to Bangkok.)
Think long and hard
That’s okay! This means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you’ll pay for your mistake. (Good! It’s a temporary truce. Use the truce to cook up sugar and spice and everything nice. If repulsed, it’s okay. Your effort alone means you care.)
Loud sigh. She thinks you’re an idiot and wonders why she’s wasting her time standing here and arguing about nothing. (Ignore! Do something vibrant. Cook her a delicious pork sinigang or do something visceral, massage her back gently before bedtime.) Be her slave. Aren’t we men romantic fools?
We need not be on the defensive. We can be on the offensive. Dating is the thrill of young love. A date can be a romantic dinner in a fancy restaurant or a simple halo-halo treat. Keep it funny to elicit laughter.
After years of being wife and mother, she can see her beauty diminished by wrinkles, crow’s feet, and fatty tissues. Her fear of looking losyang is real. Give her the thumbs up on her new hairdo, the new dress, and the shoes with matching bag. Wolf whistle at her new lip gloss.
Feeling important is the mother of all fulfillment in being wife and mother. For husbands, it’s a simple matter of being kind and thoughtful. Say it with flowers, cards, texts and e-mails. Remember her birthday, the first date, the day she said yes, the frog test on her firstborn, the more the merrier. Notice her excellent housework. Keep complimenting.
I’ve tested this three feelings theory on women. It works. During the Vietnam War, Bangkok was the R&R place for US Army officers. While nursing a bottle of Singha Beer at the Siam Intercon, I spotted a group of Army wives having coffee. One was a Debra Winger look-alike.
Instinctively, I wrote something on the napkin and asked the waiter to give it to her. She read it, blushed, and quickly kept it inside her bag. The other wives badgered her, but she shook her head vigorously. When it was time to go, “Debra Winger” let the others scoot ahead, stopped by the door, looked at me, and gave me the sweetest smile, a smile that lasted forever. Here’s what I wrote on the napkin: “Among the four of you, you’re the prettiest.”