Dear Emily,
I was 23 years old when I met my first boyfriend, who was 27, on an online dating app. We texted and chatted frequently until we decided to meet.
Prior to our first meeting, I didn’t think much of him. I thought he was a flirt who just liked dating random girls. I was judgmental then and naive about dating.
Out of curiosity, and to see how dating works, I decided to personally meet him despite my negative impressions.
The day we met, I was so scared and actually thought he could be dangerous. But he proved me wrong. He was kind, quiet, gentlemanly, funny and thoughtful. He knew it was my first time to go on a date and he made me very comfortable.
After a few more dates, he told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I felt that his intentions were sincere and genuine.
We became a couple. I can’t describe how much love and effort he put into our relationship. I felt respected by him and welcomed by his family. We became close and he made me promise that our intimacy would be kept between us.
My problem is, prior to our meeting, all my friends already knew about him and my negative impression of him. I even told a friend what we did on our date because we usually share this stuff to see if I am doing the right thing. I didn’t expect this friend to broadcast it all to our other friends.
I feel so guilty and immature because of what I have done. Our group of friends had no secrets from each other and were open about sex and related stuff.
My boyfriend and I have been together for over six months and I have refrained from sharing details of our intimacy with anyone. I know that maturity means controlling impulses. I have learned from those mistakes.
But I still feel guilty when I remember my past indiscretions. Should I admit to my boyfriend what I’ve done? But how? He rarely gets angry and I’m afraid this will disappoint him. He is a very mature person and totally understanding but I don’t want to ruin his trust.—Guilty Lover
Why unearth the past when you clearly cannot erase it, except feel guilty about it? Why be hard on yourself now?
You’ve admitted you were young then and very inexperienced and immature, most notably about sex. It wouldn’t do anyone good to bring it to life again.
This experience should be filed in your “lessons learned” ledger. Now you know better than to share with your friends anything intimate in your relationship with your boyfriend. It is none of their business! Why you had to seek their approval on matters that involved intimacy is beyond belief.
In life, it’s different strokes for different folks. What may be good for them in dating may not be good for you. Besides it truly is a very private matter that only concerns one person: you.
You don’t need to divulge everything in your head to your boyfriend either! No need to rock the boat or fix something that doesn’t need fixing. Just move on.
Email emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com.