After dating my husband from high school to college and two more years after graduation, we got married. His movie-star looks attracted both men and women.
He never pushed himself sexually on me all those years we were dating, while our friends were jumping from bed to bed. It was the sexual revolution of the ’60s. The most he did was give me a peck on the lips or a hug. I thought he wanted us to be virgins till our marriage.
But being married to him was a huge disappointment. There was no passion, no excitement, so it was easy to leave him. He was spoiled, inconsiderate, nasty and never stopped partying with his male friends.
We were married for only two years when I initiated our annulment. Our family and friends were beyond shocked. We were the golden couple in our circle.
He married again and finally gave his mother the grandson she pined for. But he didn’t stay married. He was the only boy in a family of five and they all dotted on him. I had told him toward the end of our marriage that he should just come out already. He got so angry I thought he’d burn the house down. His mother almost had me killed for insulting her dear virile son.
That was 40 years ago and I heard he hadn’t changed or come out of the closet. I actually pity him because he has to constantly live up to the expectations of his family and be this macho guy. I wish they’d accept his real self and give him peace or some semblance of happiness in his old age. He has become a ridiculous character because of all his posturing.
—EX WIFE’S LAMENT
Isn’t life full of twists and turns—marrying a handsome man of your dreams then losing him shortly? Your letter came out as a clarion call for men (and women), rich and poor, to be true to themselves and prevent spreading unhappiness by not coming out of the closet. It’s a pity because almost everyone has come out and are even getting married. But Filipinos, being what we are, would rather lie through our teeth and pretend to be what we’re not. Really a shame!
Despite the openness we see, there’s still that stigma of being gay among the very rich families, who believe a gay family member will embarrass and sully their reputation. These relatives would hem and haw and give every ridiculous excuse why this CEO of a brother hasn’t gotten married and everyone would just play dumb and accept it. It’s really none of anybody’s business what people do in private. But isn’t it a waste to not be happy just because you’re hiding the truth?
You were a party to that lie early on in your life. Don’t you just wish you met someone not so movie-star handsome, but who had given you a normal love life, somebody you’d have lived with for a long time?