Dear Emily,
A woman once wrote that her son isn’t yet ready to forgive his estranged father. Neither can I.
I am 35 years old and my biological father was shocked to know he had a kid after all these years. He’s a successful nuclear engineer who has worked in various countries. I was hoping we could be friends by sustaining online communications.
Sadly, he is a workaholic and could be insensitive; he rarely keeps in touch. It has gotten to a point that I blocked him on Facebook and email. I thought it would be easy to move on since we are basically strangers.
The longing for a father still lingers and it has become a source of despair in me. I messaged him recently and he apologized; I did the same. After that, he has not stayed in touch and I am starting to feel he really does not care.
How can some people be like that to their kids? Meeting him was a dream but it’s more like a nightmare to me at the moment.
—BEWILDERED SON
What’s amazing in nature is, despite belonging to different species, many animals tend to exhibit the same characteristics. Those in the wild tend to behave like humans beings— tending to their young with infinite care and self-sacrifice until they are strong enough to be independent.
But, some are cruel and possess characteristics that kill or just abandon their young. Here belongs your father. That’s just the way the world is, apparently.
Give him slack because he’s not used to having you. Traveling and living off his suitcase has not given him that strong sense of family and a home life. It takes a lot of bonding to develop affection and love. Bloodlines or not, you are a stranger he can’t relate to.
Accept that he will never be the father you wish him to be. Why not be friends instead and go from there? Write him when you need to. Call him when you want the assurance of his voice.
If all fails, find solace in the serenity prayer: “to grant you the serenity to accept the things that cannot be changed; courage to change the things you can; and the wisdom to know the difference.” Make these adjustments to mind and see what freedom it will eventually give you.
Email emarcelo@inquirer. com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com