Dear Emily,

I am the mother of three boys and the disciplinarian in the family.

My husband works hard and interacts with his sons, just like a buddy. My sons were born a year apart so they are very close.

When my middle son confessed that he was gay, his brothers and their father were fully supportive of him. I, on the other hand, clung to hope and wanted to change him.

I sent him abroad to do mountain climbing and surfing with his supposed macho friends. He instead fell in love with one of them.

I’ve accepted him now and stopped stressing myself. But deep down, I blame myself for everything. Did I spoil him too much? Was I negligent in not putting the fear of God in his heart and other virtues about life? What else could I have done?

We don’t discuss anything controversial in the family anymore. It’s like we just ignore completely the elephant in the room. I think I will have a stroke if he decides to have a sex change. —MISERABLE MOTHER

I hope you know the new normal we’re now living in. Either that or you just refuse to accept it. Clearly, you are a very conservative person and are not aware of how media and everything around us is in almost full acceptance of what it is.

It’s not like your son and other gay or trans people have committed a crime. They didn’t lose their humanity because of who they are. They are just the way they are.

Open your mind and your heart, however difficult it seems. Adopt the line from Serenity Prayer as your mantra to help you: to accept the things you cannot change. Be easy on the yourself. Life is too short to fight things you really cannot change.

[email protected] or [email protected]