Dear Emily,
I was always considered a tomboy in the family. I didn’t outgrow that moniker till college because I didn’t try hard enough to look pretty and stop looking tough. My sisters all looked dainty and girly, and soon were having a long line of suitors. I almost thought I was a lesbian because of their taunts, but I wasn’t. But, I’d looked secretly at their suitors and feel sad because some I found attractive. Nobody pursued me. Since I was good in school, I graduated with honors and was offered a good job in a multinational company. I worked hard and invested my money well.
When my father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, I decided that I’ve made enough to retire on, and take care of him. I was single and basically had no life to speak of. Soon, I was in the hospital close to 24/7.
My father and I got along very well while I was growing up and I truly felt bad when he got sick. I didn’t realize that other than his sickness, my life would change completely because of it.
The primary consultant and I would have constant talks about the state of my father’s health. We started to have coffee when we’d meet at the coffee shop. I found out that he is separated from his wife—she ran off with another man. He didn’t blame her because he really had no time for family when they were younger. Our talks became more personal and soon we were making time to have dinner. For a girl who grew up thinking of herself as a tomboy and unattractive, this man looked at her as a woman, interesting enough to be invited out, was a life changer.
My father is not getting any better, and I can already foretell the inevitable. But this doctor and our blossoming friendship has made my life very bearable. Is it bad taste and unacceptable to be leaning on him who is taking care of my father professionally? What I am feeling is completely new to me.
—BEWILDERED DAUGHTER
Besides being your father’s doctor, he probably can chew gum and walk at the same time by being your friend as well. It’s not like he is completely taking off from his professional duties by just being by your side. He is human, too, and probably feels he needs your company as you need his. Such is life. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Forget the taunts of your family from years ago. They may even be just envious of your accomplishments in school, the reason for bullying you. Beauty is relative and not everyone appreciates it the same way. And fate works in mysterious ways. Your father’s predicament may be the catalyst for this new phase in your life. Welcome with an open mind, whatever is in store for you.
Emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com