Dear Emily,
Due to this lockdown, I’ve been out of work since March. I’m one of the millions with a “no work, no pay” type of job. But fortunately, my wife can work online from home. I’m the one supposed to support and take care of her, but the power dynamics in our marriage has changed. At first, I was uncomfortable with the idea of my wife being the provider and me doing all of the household chores. But now I’ve realized I shouldn’t let my male ego and pride get the better of me.
One night, I cried saying that I felt bad that she’s the one supporting the family during this difficult time. But she said that is what marriage is all about—assisting one another. I’ve learned marriage is a partnership, not a competition. I just hope once this quarantine is lifted, I can get back to work right away.
I’ve also learned how hard it must be to be a woman. Even with a full-time job, she is expected to take care of the household and still be responsible for her family. This pandemic strangely had a positive effect on me. I know situations like this can have a negative impact on a couple’s marriage. Is it also not possible for them to grow stronger during a pandemic like me and my wife?
—Quarantined Househusband
Different strokes for different folks? Some couples grow stronger in adversity. Others collapse like a house of cards. One can’t really gauge the character of the person they’ve married until they go through fire together, so to speak. You’re fortunate this pandemic gave you the chance to value your wife more. It also washed away your machismo thinking that it’s degrading for men to do housework.
If a hiccup like this pandemic could decimate a marriage, there obviously was not much love holding it together to begin with. Whatever happened to the vows they made to each other, like, “to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…?” Don’t words matter anymore? It’ll be their tragic loss—not being able to hold on to each other through this pain and suffering, and share what could have been an enriching phase in their lives.
They could have made themselves proud in conquering a steep and slippery mountain—triumphantly, together—like you and your wife are doing now.
This experience has been good for your character, and great for your marriage!
Email emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, emarcelo629@gmail.com