Dear Emily, My husband had a fatal heart attack seven years ago and I was grateful for his foresight and nurturing to keep our eldest son by his side right after his graduation, to teach him the ropes of our family business. We also have two daughters. Since then, I’ve been very proud at how mature our son has grown, professionally and personally.
My son told me last Christmas that he was going on a long vacation. He said he’d be too busy to go on one in 2020 because he had already lined up a bigger project in March. Secretly, I was glad he was going to relax and take care of himself.
Little did I know that he has been dating a woman for over a year and had asked her to go on that long trip with him. She is 24 years his senior, separated, with a grown child and had her own business. They came back home just before the lockdown and decided to move in together because of it. I confronted my son and we had a huge argument about it. In the end, he asked me to trust him as he said he is old enough to do what is best for him.
I was hoping that by being together 24/7 this lockdown, they’d tire of this excessive closeness and wake up to reality. I don’t wish them harm or unhappiness, but shouldn’t he be with someone his own age so he could start his own family?
—DOUBTFUL MOM
Love is something that cannot be taught, legislated, or rammed down the throat of anyone. It is an invisible force that cannot be explained. It can only be felt overwhelmingly, and the actors in that scenario follow it blind.
Let him be in this new chapter of his life and see what happens. Try not to preempt him. Don’t let their age disparity cloud your judgment. Most are mature at 30 while others remain babies at 65. Some of the happiest relationships that have been written about were those May-December romances. Because perhaps they found their soulmates totally different from or totally in sync with their own perspectives. Many, however, have never been that lucky!
You’re a mother and only wish him well, of course. But all your good intentions are clearly contrary to what he wishes. He is now a man with a mind of his own—so cut him some slack. Trust your instinct that you and your husband reared him well and excellently—that he’ll do what’s right for him in the end. INQ
Email emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com.