“Successful. Looking to take care of somebody.”
That’s on the dating profile of a Mr. P, who says his net worth is $500,000.
Welcome to the world of sugar dating or sugaring, where wealthy men and women develop relationships with often younger people while supporting them financially or lavishing them with gifts, vacations and a generous allowance.
Sugaring is growing in the Philippines, according to Sugarbook (sugarbook.com), Asia’s largest sugar daddy dating site. Sugarbook, which uses the tagline “where romance meets finance,” is a place “where like-minded, consenting adults can connect and form mutually beneficial sugar relationships in a safe online environment.”
“For so many years, we fall in love first before talking about finances. Sugarbook is here to change that,” said Darren Chan, CEO of Sugarbook.
The Philippines is on Sugarbook’s list of Top 3 countries in terms of users. Out of the site’s 1 million active members, 126,985 sugar babies and 33,156 sugar daddies are from the Philippines, with most of them signing up from Metro Manila, Calabarzon (Cavite, Laguna, Batangas, Rizal and Quezon), Central Luzon, Central Visayas and Northern Mindanao.
“NCR (National Capital Region) is the sugar baby capital of the Philippines,” said Chan.
Honest dating platform
Chan, a tech entrepreneur based in Kuala Lumpur, founded Sugarbook in January 2017 out of the desire to create what he calls an honest dating platform.
“I’ve witnessed a lot of relationships, friendships or even families fall apart for one reason: Money. Then I saw a study that said that 40 percent of people get into relationships not just because of love but because of financial stability,” Chan told Lifestyle.
But in the beginning, no one was signing up for the service. “This was a start-up that was going to fail. I told my developer, we have to do something,” he said. “Why don’t we just label our male members sugar daddies and our female members sugar babies?”
They launched the concept at a conference in Singapore and it was a hit.
Sugarbook isn’t the first sugar dating site. There’s the US-based Seeking (formerly known as Seeking Arrangement) that started in 2006 and a number of others. But of the ones based in Asia, Sugarbook is the biggest.
It’s free to sign up, but you can pay for premium membership (P1,438 a month) for added benefits. “A premium member gets unlimited messages, a chance to be featured and you can also filter your searches based on age, even hair and eye color.”
They saw a spike in users and usage during the pandemic, according to Chan, and not just because people were lonely. “People were locked down and they were seeing their spouses or their partners 24 hours a day, three to four months in a row. Some of them realized that, ‘Hey, this is not the type of guy that I want to be with.’ So then they come online and they try to look for someone new.’”
Married people
Yes, there are married people on Sugarbook, and they are expected to be upfront about it. “We always tell our members that if you’re married, please tell us you’re married. You don’t really have to lie, it defeats the purpose.”
We asked if they’ve heard from angry spouses in the same way that the Canada-based AshleyMadison, a dating platform specifically for affairs, got a lot of flak for encouraging infidelity. “We don’t get angry messages,” said Chan. “But I’ve gotten a lot of housewives asking us to get more male sugar babies.”
Right now, female sugar babies on the site outnumber sugar daddies who sign up from all over the world. Most Filipina sugar babies are between 18 to 34 years old and 46 percent are students. The rest work in hospitality, child care, education, entertainment and other industries. Premium membership is free for students.
But sugaring isn’t just for the young. According to Chan, “The oldest sugar baby that we’ve had is around 53. She’s very bubbly and young at heart. And she’s just enjoying her life with older men.”
Filipino sugar babies know what they want, Chan said. “They are very, very upfront, unlike the people in my country who are a bit too shy. Women in the Philippines, they’re very tough and strong. They’re very, very smart. Some of them are more dominant, as well.”
Sugar babies in the Philippines get an average monthly allowance of P49,700, according to Sugarbook.
Ultimate sugar daddies
Sugarbook has two ways of vetting members. They’re asked to submit proof of identity and proof of income.
Then there are the Diamond members. “Those are the ultimate sugar daddies. They’re a very rare breed but they are the true sugar daddies,” said Chan. “I don’t think we have Diamond members in the Philippines yet.”
Diamond members pay $299 a month to use Sugarbook. And they have to have at least $300,000 in their bank account.
In December, the Philippine Commission on Women (PCW) warned Filipinas against sugar dating, saying, “They should be aware of the risks that go with online sites and groups that claim to help provide their financial needs. First, since there is money involved in exchange for ‘romance,’ it is a commercial transaction, which, granted that all elements are present, may come under the purview of prostitution.”
According to the PCW: “When the sugar daddy and sugar baby begin their arrangements, things can go out of hand. One can send compromising pictures as part of the arrangement and the other can use these materials to blackmail her or even spread the same without her consent.”
The commission added that it’s possible that sugar dating “perpetuates gender disparity and unequal power relations” and that “sugar daddies may assert dominance and the sugar babies, in an attempt to earn money, may just succumb to the former’s wishes.”
Last month, Sen. Leila de Lima introduced Senate Resolution No. 609, asking for a Senate probe into sugar dating.
Not prostitutes
Chan told Lifestyle, “Sugar babies are not prostitutes. They’re not escorts. What separates a sugar baby from a prostitute is that sugar babies have the freedom of choice to make any sort of relationship that they want. They don’t need to get into any sexual relationship. When they meet a person, that is their potential partner, that is not their client. They are not forced to have sexual relations, they’re not obligated to have sex. Sugar babies come from all walks of life. There are a lot of single mothers, students, divorcees.”
He added, “We get a lot of sugar babies coming from rural areas; they tell themselves that they want to be the next Kim Kardashian or Kendall Jenner, they want that Chanel bag.
“If men are allowed to date women for their youth and beauty, women should be allowed to date men for their money and status.”
Cat, a 22-year-old Filipina, is a single mother. She was 20 when she got pregnant and her family cut her off. Then she discovered that her Filipino boyfriend already had three wives and many kids, so she left him. “Naging sugar baby ako dahil nahirapan ako,” she said.
Expectations
Cat, who used to work in customer service in Bicol, stumbled upon Sugarbook online and signed up. She went on pay-per-meet dates with potential sugar daddies. Then, she developed a relationship with a man who would become her first sugar daddy, a 44-year-old divorced Filipino-Chinese businessman.
“He asked, ‘What are your expectations? What are you looking for?’ Sabi ko, ‘I’m looking for someone who would take care of me and my son,’” she told Lifestyle.
And what did he expect in return? “They want your time and attention. They want a boyfriend-girlfriend type of relationship.”
He gave her an allowance of P20,000 a month. This was in 2019. But eventually, their relationship ended. “He found someone better,” she said.
Cat moved on. In February 2020, she met a new man—Loi, Malaysian, 55, a bachelor, based in Kuala Lumpur but with a business in the Philippines. “He was fun, he was very respectful,” she said.
Soon after they met, he flew to the Philippines to see her. Then, just before the lockdown, they flew to Malaysia together.
And that’s where she and her toddler have been since then, living with her sugar daddy in Kuala Lumpur. He takes her out on dates and treats her well, she said. They’re in love. Every month, he gives her P70,000. “He’s very loving, very kind, generous. Ang pinaka-gusto ko sa kanya na ugali is sobrang close siya sa anak ko. Maka-tatay,” Cat said.
Encouraged by her sugar daddy, Cat is taking online classes. Once travel restrictions ease, Cat, her son and her sugar daddy intend to fly back to the Philippines. He wants her to manage his restaurant here.
Freedom of choice
We asked Cat: Is she happy? “Very happy,” she said.
And does she see herself spending the rest of her life with him? “Opo naman. If everything goes well, in the future, we might try to get married.”
Cat knows sugaring is a concept that still raises eyebrows. “They shouldn’t judge, lalo na because this can be a great help to all single moms,” she said. “Saan ka makakakuha ng lalaki who is willing to be responsible for you and who will take care of your son as well?”
Cat told us about her friend in Cebu who’s also a sugar baby. “She drives a Lamborghini.” The sugar daddy is based in Hong Kong. He flies to Cebu to see her, she flies to Hong Kong to see him.
We asked Cat what she thinks of the government warning Filipinas against sugar dating. She said, “They’re just saying that so people won’t go out of the box. ’Yung mga politician gusto nila nasa loob lang kami. Just go for it. But you need to do some research for your safety.”
Chan said, “I think it’s very normal for politicians to be warning the people. But they also have to look at the bigger picture. What we’re fighting for here is giving people a choice, providing women the ability to enjoy their rights and be confident and choose who they want to be with. Anywhere that has men or women talking, they’re going to talk about sex and whatnot. What we champion is women empowerment. We believe women are entitled to their freedom of choice.”
Chan thinks sugar dating will continue to rise in the Philippines and the rest of the globe.
No formula
Does Chan think the sugar daddy-sugar baby arrangement is exploitative? “I think any relationship, if it is not managed well and if the terms and conditions aren’t stated well, can be exploited. I think it has a lot to do with communication and how you make your partners understand.”
Just like there’s no formula for more traditional relationships, there’s no one-size-fits-all setup in terms of a sugar daddy-sugar baby setup.
Chan told us about a 33-year-old sugar baby who’s a widow with two kids. “She went on Tinder and all she found were these boys who wanted to get into her pants. So she went on Sugarbook and she found a sugar daddy, and that sugar daddy is now sending her two sons to a private international school and is also supporting her. We’ve also had sugar babies who had three sugar daddies, and all three sugar daddies will come and have coffee together,” Chan said.
Users have access to a block button and can report other users to Sugarbook. The most common complaint? “People sending unsolicited d-ck photos.
I think it happens in most social social networking platforms,” said Chan. The other one is sugar babies asking sugar daddies to send money before meeting them and then, after they get the money, they don’t show up.
“In any social networking platform there’s going to be bad apples, and it takes my team of 15 people to moderate properly, and my AI (artificial intelligence) to weed out these bad apples.”
Safe sugaring
Sugarbook promotes what it calls “safe sugaring” through blog posts and by building communities of sugar babies. Before the pandemic, Sugarbook would also host parties, something they intend to do again when the pandemic is over. “Sugar babies meet up with the Sugarbook team for dinner and they drink together and talk about sugar daddies, who’s a gentleman and who isn’t. They share stories with each other.”
Chan said they also have sugar babies from the pageant industry who talk to aspiring sugar babies and remind them about safety. “They have been through the sugar baby life so they know how to say yes, how to say no, how to date the right people.”
He listed the rules of safe sugaring: “Skype first or do a Zoom call first before going on a date. Two, check if he has a verified profile badge authorized by Sugarbook. Always look them up on LinkedIn. Check all their social media to make sure they are legitimate. Number three, inform your friends that you are going to a certain location to have a date with a sugar daddy and if anything goes wrong, drop them a text.”
Cat also has tips for aspiring sugar babies: “Before you meet anyone, check who you’re chatting with. Do a little bit of homework. If you’re on Sugarbook, chat with the verified sugar daddies so you are safe. Meet in an open public place. Know your boundaries. ’Pag hindi OK, hiwalayan mo. ’Pag OK, just go for it. Don’t stop yourself from a good opportunity.”
And she wants them not to mind what other people say. “Whatever bad things people say or ’pag pinagchichismisan ka, or dina-down, hayaan mo. Kasi ’yung nagchichismis sa’yo, hindi sila yayaman.”