Respect is an action, not just a feeling

“When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.” —Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Life is a series of choices, each determining the trajectory it will take. In our love-saturated culture, everyone understands and expects unconditional love. On the other hand, what is your reaction to the phrase “unconditional respect”?

Showing unconditional respect is showing a positive regard toward the spirit of the other person, regardless of their behavior. There are many wise words on marriage and mutual respect from Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ book, “Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs.”

The book is built on the theory that the “primary emotional needs” for men and women are respect and love, respectively, which are like the air they need to breathe. That breakdown of communication, a lack of understanding of the other’s needs, is the beginning of the eroding of respect.

Respect requires a conversation about feelings and emotions. We may not know what feels respectful or disrespectful to our partners unless we ask. There are some obvious things, of course, but deep respect lies in the subtle details, and it’s different for everyone.

When it comes to building respect equity in a relationship, couples need to focus on being responsible for how their actions affect the other. Mutual respect can take root when both partners come to the realization that each is in the relationship by choice.

Respect may best be defined as the way you show true appreciation for another person. Respect is an action, not just a feeling. It’s a declaration of value for someone. We demonstrate respect by how we behave toward another person.

It’s fairly easy to recognize when someone respects (or disrespects) another person. The show of respect is usually thought of as coming from a place of inferiority. Picture hardworking employees speaking highly of their boss.

Two-way street

Respect in a healthy marriage is different, though. It’s a two-way street. Both parties in the relationship crave and deserve equal respect from the other, and rightly so. Respect is shown in marriage when each person recognizes the value of the other. It is not because one person is more superior than the other.

In marriage, mutual respect matters. You have your own personality traits, past experiences, quirks, talents and interests. Showing mutual respect demonstrates an appreciation for each other. Mutual respect upholds healthy boundaries in any relationship.

Mutual respect needs to be modeled to children, too. It is our duty as parents to raise them to be respectful adults. It may be a tremendous challenge as parents, but it is quite essential to teach kids the value of respect.

Still enjoying an extended vacation in New York City (NYC), I spent a lovely evening at the stylishly beautiful New York residence of international fashion designer Josie Natori. It was also such a treat when Josie, a concert pianist, performed two classical pieces.

We talked about how her marriage with Ken Natori, husband of 49 years, has remained loving, strong and full of respect. She shared marital advice as well to Red Charity Gala couple Mike and Charmaine Lagman, who celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary early this year.

Craving for Filipino dishes at this point of our trip, we had lunch in Tradisyon Restaurant on 9th Avenue (@tradisyonnyc on Instagram). Owner/chef Anton Dayrit treated us to several of his top sellers and desserts.

My NYC host Vina Francisco took me around the city’s top sites, and we even spotted the crew of “And Just Like That,” the “Sex and the City” reboot. We were also reconnecting with many of our Assumption High School classmates like Mariels Almeda-Winhoffer and Monica Francisco-Benares, who live in the East Coast.

Top-selling products

For our mini reunion, I wore the silk scarf of Jim Weaver X Francis Libiran. The Night and Day scarf emphasizes the juxtaposition of dark and light, the depths of the sea and the brightness of day utilizing the native okir design system characterized by flow and geometry. The scarf comes with a reversible three-layer fabric mask to match. For orders, log on to jimweaverdesigns.com

In a nod to tradition and folklore, two prominent figures often seen decorating royal residences, or torogan, are depicted in the design—the mythical naga (sea serpent) and the legendary sarimanok (many-colored bird). Believed to ward off evil spirits, the naga is awash in jewel tones and set against the blackness of night. Meanwhile, the vibrant sarimanok holds the promise of good fortune and bright days ahead.

Hooking up with other New York visitors, Bench king Ben Chan and Miguel Pastor hosted a four-hour lunch at Sant Ambroeus Restaurant, Brookfield Place. Catching up with life and coping with this pandemic, we also talked about “respect” and how long-lasting relationships need this.

I asked Ben about all the new Korean superstars of Bench and what are the top-selling Bench products. Obviously, the Bench/Everyday Essentials collection is doing well. The Bench products are safe, clean and keep you 99.9-percent germ-free.

From air and surface disinfectant sprays, kitchen cleaners, and alcogel items, Bench/Everyday Essentials guarantee high quality products that won’t break the bank. Keep these essentials within reach to protect yourself from germs and harmful bacteria in and out of your safe space. Get these products at shop.bench.com.ph/.

Let me end with Aretha Franklin’s signature song that was a groundbreaking female empowerment anthem of the late 1960s. Aretha and her sisters rewrote the lyrics, including the song’s memorable breakdown: “R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Find out what it means to me!”

In finding ways to appreciate your partner, differences and all, true appreciation and mutual respect create successful relationships. In declaring your partner’s value in your actions, you will be better friends, better parents, and better teammates.

Follow @seaprincess888 on Instagram.