I haven’t stopped laughing since I met geomancer and feng shui master Aldric Dalumpines.
If you get past his roaring laughter and utter silliness, you will find a gentleman who aspires for no more than to educate those who care to listen and bring auspiciousness into their lives through the science of feng shui.
Many restaurant ROIs have been attributed to Dalumpines’ mastery of kitchen feng shui, an exercise he practically calls the “romancing of the kitchen god (Tsai Tsim), coaxing him to bring you the blessings of good health, happiness and prosperity.
“The kitchen makes 50 percent of the total template of life energy management. It is regarded as the radiator of energy and defines the income-generating and savings capacity of a home or a business. The remaining 50 percent is divided between the main doors and the master’s bedroom, inclusive of the direction of the headboard.”
This is about home kitchen as well as “pantries of a business where there are cooking appliances.”
“The absence of a kitchen or pantry leaves those who deal with services or mall retailers handicapped, leaving them running only on 50-percent capacity. The secret to boosting their sales is to put a microwave or a small oven toaster facing the sunset.
“Everyone has his own lucky orientation/kitchen. While there are individual differences, I can give you an average positioning that is practically safe for every one.”
Things to remember in igniting your kitchen for prosperity:
“First consider the placement of your ‘kitchen gods’—cooking appliances such as stove, microwave, oven toaster, rice cooker.
“Position them first, especially your rice cooker, then work around them. The daily stove should be properly placed in both dirty and main kitchens. Only after you’ve appointed these can you resort to the principles of architectural or culinary kitchen design.
“For the home, cook safely toward the morning sun—the back of your kitchen appliances to the east or toward the sunrise.
“For business, all should be facing the opposite side, west or toward the sunset.
“To customize your lucky kitchen, it must be arranged based on the birthday of the owner of the business and not the chef, unless the chef owns it.
“In a house, it should be based on the breadwinner. If both are breadwinners, it has to be balanced between both.
“Never point or align fire with a water element. Cooking appliances should not be facing any faucet, water dispenser or body of water. For example, the oven should never face: a fountain, aquarium or swimming pool from across in the garden.
“The clash of these two elements creates disharmony or petty quarrels: husband vs. wife, house help vs. each other, master vs. employee, parents vs. children, children vs. children.
“All faucets should be fixed because when it turns, inadvertently, it can face a fire element.
“No faucet at west, for this means white tiger open mouth. It eats up all your finances, makes you bankrupt, not just in business but all facets of your life.
“The best is to site all faucets at north to encourage more cash flow and collection.
“Fire and water don’t mix so except for a faucet, there should be no water feature in the kitchen—aquarium, fountain or beach photos on calendars. Also avoid using blue and black (the colors of water).
“Fire should never face water or fire over water. The simple act of putting a microwave on top a refrigerator or a faucet on top of a personal ref is incorrect, as fire distinguishes water.
“The exception to the rule is, you can put water over fire but only if it is a high-pressure burner. A faucet will cool it down.
“North=water element= money or income generation. Never put any cooking appliance for business or home in the north (the base of income, finances, career). Doing so means putting fire or burning away money/career. You may find yourself out of job or bankrupt.
“For the home only, never put cooking appliances in the west. This will lead to a lot of freeloaders in your life: people who borrow money and don’t pay, spinsters who never leave home. Causes drain in finances.
“For home and office, never put kitchen appliances in the south=fire. On a fire year, your home or business could burn down.
“In storage, all of the above rules apply. All cooking appliances should be oriented in the same manner. If not, it just cancels the beauty of all the other placements.
“A kitchen should never be under a toilet and vice versa, never put a kitchen over a septic tank for obvious reasons.
“Never have overhead beams, they accumulate dust and represent unnecessary pressure—fatigue, migraines and muscle pains. Cover or paint them white.
“Do not use ‘mirror cures’ or put mirrors in a kitchen as this doubles the trouble, the bad chi.
“Beware of ref magnets, especially of merlion, lions and tigers that can practically eat up all the good results of excellent feng shui.
“Make sure that as master of the house or office, you hire people you’re compatible with based on your Chinese zodiac sign. No monkey with tiger, for instance.”
The master ended our conversation with this question:
“Now, who could ask for more from one who cooks with the heart and mind, aligned in balance with the forces of nature, all in perfect harmony?”
Master Aldric’s hilarious booklet called “Feng Shui Template For Life” available at 0915-8080168.