DEAR EMILY,
This male friend of mine and I became close when his girlfriend of seven years broke up with him two years ago. I’ve been his shoulder to cry on, always listening to his stories of regret and frustration. I did my best to cheer him up, and it came to a point where we’d spend every weekend together and talk on the phone till dawn.
We would also discuss everything, from nonsensical to serious stuff. He opened his life to me, his family, work and everyday routine. And when he talked about the girls flirting with him, or girls he found attractive, it hurt me very much.
After all these years, I am finally feeling the pain of having fallen in love with him, so I’ve decided to put a space between us. Am I doing the right decision in isolating myself from him? Is it right to confess my true feelings for him? I really love hanging out with him, but I can’t really bear the pain of being just a friend.
HOPEFUL BEST FRIEND
Aren’t you in an emotional fix! And when you put it so sadly that you “can’t really bear the pain of being just a friend,” you should know in your heart that you have to do something.
It’s already your conscience screaming at you. But, a little note of warning though: It’s going to be a damn-if-you-do, damn-if-you-don’t-kind of a ride!
If you do confess you feelings for him and the feeling is not mutual, you two may start feeling uncomfortable when you start walking on eggs during your subsequent conversations, and possibly lose the friendship anyway. If you don’t tell him you’ve fallen for him, how long are you willing to bear the miserable feelings you’re suffering now? You’ll surely let him go, when your cup of despair runs over.
It’s a lose-lose situation, don’t you agree?
Aren’t you at all curious about how he has been feeling toward you all this time? Hasn’t he shown any kind of intimacy when you’re together on weekends? How can he talk to you day in and day out without ever feeling anything for you? Could it be that he is already in love with you without him knowing it? You may need a baseball bat to wake him up and see you for what you are.
Some men turn mute when it comes to laying out their emotions. They’re not verbal creatures, obviously. Most of them assume women can read their minds, just as women assume men will write them poetry to describe their innermost feelings. No such luck. Remember, men are from Mars!
It’s been said, “when loving someone, never regret what you do, only regret what you don’t do.”
Open up what’s in your heart. Let him take it for what it is. Life is too short.
E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com, Subject: Lifestyle