Recently, a foreign vlogger was arrested for harassing locals, supposedly testing the limits of Filipino hospitality. We know that Filipinos are considered by tourists as very “hospitable,” because most of us are welcoming and generous. We offer our special plates for visitors and we speak in English so that we are understood by our non-Filipino guests. We do not expect them to learn our languages, but when they do learn one or two words we are so quick to say that they are “honorary Filipino.”
The term “hospitality” being glorified as a social value is interesting because it does not seem to have a direct Indigenous equivalent. In a conversation I had with the priest, poet, and philosopher Albert Alejo, author of “Tao Po, Tuloy!”, he pointed out that “hospitality” is something we impose on the host, but there is rarely any serious expectation for the guest. And so, he said, the guest tends to overstay their welcome; they rearrange furniture without asking for permission; they eat up the host’s resources. Happily, there is an existing cultural value that we can revisit: hiya.
Hiya (also “huya” in Hiligaynon; “ulao” in Cebuano; “bain” in Ilokano) is our sense of good manners in social settings. It is a kapwa-oriented value because it prioritizes social harmony. Hiya is the discomfort we feel when we are aware of existing and unfamiliar social dynamics. But we only experience it if we care about something or someone. This feeling, which is internally motivated rather than externally imposed, can prevent us from doing things that could unintentionally offend others or put ourselves in a negative light. A person without this social sensitivity (“walang hiya”) is rude and inconsiderate.
Hiya can be used as a way to control others, but more importantly it should be a way to control yourself. It should teach us to think about the well-being of others
Some people tend to take the concept of hiya out of the kapwa context and like to translate it merely as “shame,” but that is only the shallow expression of it. There are so many social nuances that are represented through its linguistic variations, such as napahiya (unintentional embarrassment), ikinakahiya (to disown), pinahiya (intentionally caused shame), mahiyain (a timid person), etc.
It is very, very true that hiya can be imposed or used as a weapon of shame. In that case, it is no longer a kapwa value but a form of social control. The simple comment, “Ano na lang sasabihin ng iba?” can stop a person from expressing their true selves. Being called “walang hiya” can also be hurtful, especially if you are just being yourself.
The response to this weaponization of hiya is to revisit its relationship with the concept of kapwa. Hiya can be used as a way to control others, but more importantly it should be a way to control yourself. It should teach us to think about the well-being of others; it should help us discover the boundaries of the people we love; it should encourage us to express gratitude to those who treat us well.
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“Walang hiya” is actually an attitude that is anti-social: it describes the loud tourist who litters and spits on sacred sites, the spoiled brat mocking service workers, the abusive yet entitled parent or partner, the corrupt and self-serving politician, the nuisance influencer disrupting the locals’ peace, and the house guest taking over the household. All of these, if you notice, have elements of colonization, of the twin attitudes of “panghihimasok” (entering without consent) and “pananakop” (taking without consent). The walang hiya attitude prioritizes the self, not in the healthy, expressive, and inclusive way that is indeed encouraged in the kapwa orientation (such as when we say, “Uy, huwag ka na mahiya”), but instead in the way that uses others. Hiya, when appropriately practiced, is moving towards kapwa.
So, when we knock on the door of the other person/stranger/ibang tao, we are saying, “Tao po! I am human, looking for the humanity within you.” We may have our differences, but we are equal in our humanity. During our conversation, Father Alejo also said that when we open the door to the stranger, we must remember: “Tao kang pinapapasok, magpakatao ka rin!”
