DEAR EMILY,
I’ve read the many sad lives of your letter writers these past years, and many mirror my own. I was a philandering husband myself and wish I could turn back time and change my life if given the chance.
I am now 70 and a widower.
In my impressionable youth, I wanted to be part of what seemed like the good life I saw among the rich boys in university. They had money, good looks, beautiful girlfriends. I was a working student then, a janitor at night—a total outsider—always saving the last few centavos for that rainy day, and dreaming to be like them.
When I finally became financially independent, I couldn’t stop fooling around. I had this warped belief that it was my right to have a good time. I gave my family a beautiful house, my four children went to good schools, and my wife the freedom to shop and travel. They did not want for anything. Except my time, which was spent in the office, golf, travel and my girlfriends.
My wife and family suffered a long time. I retired early and left my wife for good. She begged me not to, but I wanted to be happy. I bought a condo for me and my newest girlfriend who was pregnant then. I was not particularly in love with her, but she was young and pretty and I thought I looked good with her.
Two years into our live-in arrangement, I found out it was not my child she carried. I also discovered she had a boyfriend on the side and that I was supporting the two of them. After that confrontation I kicked her out—this woman I left my family for— but not before giving in to her demands of money and car.
I realized what a fool I was and wanted to return to my wife, had my pride not stopped me. Then tragedy struck. My wife had a stroke and despite nearing her death, she refused to see me. She was too heartbroken and bitter.
The happiness that I looked forward to in my old age is gone. I couldn’t even go back to the warmth of the house I built because my wife sold it and threw away everything that reminded her of me.
My children come and visit when I ask them, but never on their own. They hated what I did to their mother, and I cannot blame them. The bevy of beautiful women I dreamt would flock to my door never happened.
My life has come full circle. The cravings I had in my youth were really useless desires that made me a fool in my old age. Pity that I failed to recognize how blessed I’ve been all those years.
OLD FOOL
Touché! As the song goes, “the other man’s grass is always greener, the sunshine is better on the other side…”
When will humankind ever learn that the plate served by fate is always just the right nourishment and contentment for that particular moment. But this impatience gets the better of us that we leap, sprint, gallop—to accomplish that end immediately, no matter what — to much of our detriment. The time to reflect is never part of the equation.
If your children refuse to look at you as a parent they can respect and love, why not be a friend to them instead. Surely they can always open their hearts to one more friend in need?
It’s always sad to reach the finish line with regrets. It’s ironic that certain things never change, and if ever they do, it’s almost always at the end. But the fact that you are seeing life with a clear vision for what it really is—is redemption itself.
E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@ gmail.com—subject: Lifestyle.