Things I learned from Nora Ephron

In my old grade school Hello Kitty diary I listed down “When Harry Met Sally” as one of my favorite movies, even though Billy Crystal wasn’t handsome and it would take me ten years after the fact to understand why Meg Ryan was screaming and flailing in a deli (my mom refused to explain why).

I would later add “Sleepless in Seattle” and “You’ve Got Mail” to my favorite movies list. “Heartburn,” a late discovery, would become one of the movies I had to watch from start to finish whenever HBO aired it. I didn’t know it then, but I was already a fan of Nora Ephron and that the lessons I learned from her films and her life would be lessons that would stick.

Her death, which seemed so sudden because of her secrecy about her illness, resonated among those who loved her films, essays and books.  Hollywood and the rest of the world mourned the loss of a charming, funny woman who left behind sharp dialogue that is still relevant and timeless.

Even though she is gone her legacy—and lessons will forever live on.

Lesson 1:  You can still be graceful and private in the era of social media.

Nora Ephron’s death came as a shock to a lot of people who weren’t close to her because she managed to keep her illness under wraps, she did not let it take over the last years of her life.  In today’s social media driven society it’s a true rarity for a public figure to still keep things private.

Lesson 2:  Don’t postpone the things you want to do.

In an interview with NPR in 2010 to promote her book “I Remember Nothing,” Ephron was quoted to have said, “If you really want to do them, you better do them.  There are simply too many people getting sick, and sooner or later you will. So I’m very much a believer in knowing what it is that you love doing so you can do a great deal of it.”  Perhaps it was a clue to what she was going through, nevertheless, the message is clear.  Life is too short to be doing something you hate.

Lesson 3:  Humor can help you get through it.

“Heartburn” was one of my favorite movies because of the way Nora Ephron portrayed marriage.  The movie was based on her book, which was based on her own failed marriage to Carl Bernstein.  She entered the marriage in love, fearful and hopeful at the same time.  Despite her crumbling marriage, she managed to find humor in what must surely have been one of the darkest moments of her life.

Lesson 4: Good writing can make anyone sexy—and likable.

The idealistic part of me who loved to snack on picture perfect romcoms and played with Barbie and Ken couldn’t imagine Billy Crystal or Tom Hanks as suitable leading men, and yet Nora Ephron made it not only possible but believable. They didn’t have abs, defined biceps or a full head of hair, but they had the long-haul qualities—like Harry, who still found Sally kissable even though her face was splotchy and snotty, or Sam, who was funny and was a great dad. Plus, only Ephron’s wit and charm could create a sweet and likable Julie Powell onscreen.

Lesson 5:  Anyone can fake it.

But don’t, because that would be like cutting off your nose to spite your lady parts.