Artist and author Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, aka Sark, wrote that to love a child, a parent must do these things:
“Be there. Let them bang on pots and pans. If they’re crabby, put them in water. Read aloud with joy. Encourage silly. Giggle a lot. Search out the positive. Teach feelings. Stop yelling. Surprise them. Express your love. A lot.”
Her list reminds me a lot of my daughter and son during mealtimes at home. Over dinner or lunch, everyone gets equal time to talk about how the day has been, to share a success or really funny story. Sometimes my son, who is very witty, will say something that will crack us up. Other times, I will say something unintentionally (like mistaking a Heffalump for an Oompah-loompah) that will crack them both up.
We talk about films, TV shows, music and the books we all love.
The college pre-med and history major will share either some fascinating new development in medicine, like Epigenetics, or tidbit in Philippine history we are all hearing about for the first time.
The teenager will talk about the latest movie and dissect, review and shred it to bits, or sing praises to it, as his mother and sister are left in awe of the workings of his astute 13-year-old brain.
Over meals, no topic is spared. We talk religion, politics, business, show business, psychology and, yes, biology. Discussions about the reproductive health bill, ironically, make our pre-med student all queasy. Her younger brother and I like to rib her about it—“Can you please take your conversation elsewhere?” she would tell us.
In the novel, “Like Water for Chocolate” by Laura Esquivel, Tita, the main protagonist, discovers how her feelings are transmitted into the food she cooks.
Pleasant thoughts
We never come to the dining table angry or upset. I’ve always held on to the belief that meals must always be relished in the spirit of love and camaraderie, wrapped in happy and pleasant thoughts.
I make sure that our yaya-cook is kept happy, too. It has been a blessing that her wit abounds and her disposition can brighten up even the stormiest of days.
Stress and anger must never have a place at the table so that food and mealtimes will always be associated with good memories.
The few times I’ve sat at the table upset over something, I’d end up with a bad stomach.
Thus, I have always taught my children to dump the negativity elsewhere in a creative or productive manner before coming to the table because the gut absorbs everything, both the happy and the sad.
Technology has no place at our table. Mobile phones, earphones and other gadgets are banned and set aside during meals, especially when we’re dining out. After all, it is a time to bond and be fully engaged in one another’s life and stories, definitely not a time to multitask or tune out.
Whether at home or dining out, we do food themes now and then—Korean, Thai, Pinoy, Italian and, our all-time favorite, Spanish. Everyone is asked a favorite dish according to theme.
The history-major daughter will usually do a spin on the country whose cuisine is being featured, then we either discuss a book or watch a good DVD film, or talk about an issue related to the country whose food we are feasting on.
Then of course, because of our genetic pool, and just like every other Pinoy family, we have the occasional meal where we talk about the latest show-biz news.
Do we thresh out family problems over meals? Never. But we always eat after family issues have been ironed out and we try to make those meals as pleasant and peaceful as possible. Meals serve as a balm to our sometimes weary souls, a salve for wounded hearts or egos, refreshing and strengthening us.
Family meals are a powerful thing, and so is memory. As Esquivel wrote, “…smells have the power to evoke the past, bringing back sounds and even other smells that have no match in the present.”
When my children leave the nest to build their own family meal rituals, it won’t matter if they forget the myriad of subjects we discussed, but I would like them to remember the love that was constantly served at the table.
