When my husband died over 15 years ago, I thought I was going to die myself. We were married for over 20 years and never had children. He was the sweetest, most generous, thoughtful husband any woman can have. In his memory, I established a scholarship for poor children in his hometown who’d want to pursue vocational training.
One day, while having an innocent lunch with the wife of our lawyer, her tongue slipped and told me that my husband’s “children” were growing up looking more like him. Seeing my shock and horror at this revelation, she finally confessed that he had a mistress with whom he had three children.
I was crushed! This man whom I worshipped beyond his death turned out to be a louse like any other. I immediately removed all his pictures in the house, changed his scholarship to my parent’s names, and completely erased his existence from my life. I am so thankful we didn’t have children of our own. This way, I have no one to protect from his disloyalty but myself. I can never forgive him for what he did to me.
Never is always the operative word that comes after a painful experience. And it seems to be such a harsh word where no light can enter.
Never? As in never ever till kingdom come? Who do you pray to and what do you pray for when you need some praying to do? Do you ever ask for forgiveness from the Almighty? Or do you believe you’re not going to be in a position to ask for one?
Sure, your departed husband did you bad. He was disloyal in every sense of the word. But didn’t you yourself gloss over him and, short of having him canonized in Rome, say he was “the sweetest, most generous, thoughtful husband any woman can have?”
Didn’t he make sure you’d have enough when he died? Possibly more than enough for one person to live on. Clearly, he never subjected you to anything that would grieve you or make you miserable.
Curse him to high heavens if you must. Call him every despicable noun and adjective you can think of. But, don’t you think he would have left you for this mistress who gave him the children he wanted, if he didn’t love you more than enough? You were useless to him for not bearing his children and perpetuating his genes. But the fact that you were praising him to high heavens was testament to his being a great husband during your marriage—nevertheless.
This is not to condone his having a second family, but from his perspective as a man, he probably hungered to have children of his own, flesh of his flesh, who’d prove that he was in this planet once upon a time. He just became this weak, conceited, self-serving human being—much like the rest of us mortals—who wanted to see copies of himself, that’s all.
After weighing all his plausible reasons for this horrible act, and after your bruised pride has eased and you’ve calmed down, move on, spend all his money, and then, forgive him. Rest assured that he has already been given his due in the next life, for hurting you.