DEAR EMILY,
I’ve been married 35 years to a bore. I am no beauty, but I always made people laugh and am friendly to everyone I meet.
What made me marry him? He was this gorgeous classmate in college who was a campus heartthrob. He came on to me, and I couldn’t refuse him.
He was thoughtful and he’d pick me up in his little car, and bring me home after school. He loved to crack jokes or make comments that were so corny. But he was a very good provider and, luckily, our talks centered mostly on our children and their activities. All of them did well in school and are now on their own.
It was when our house became an empty nest that my husband’s boring nature got magnified. I felt I was drowning in this lifeless marriage. We had no conversation. Our sex life was nil. All these added up, and I plotted a long time to separate from him.
Then, I met a man so unlike my husband. He was a very funny and really nice guy, albeit married. We maintained a no-commitment and fun relationship that spiced up my life for a while. When we broke up three years later, I moved on and settled quietly in my new role as grandmother.
One day, my husband came up to me and broke down. He had come from his doctor and was told that he had Stage 2 of prostate cancer. He was afraid he was going to die soon, and wanted to ask for forgiveness from everyone, including me.
He said he had had an affair with a colleague of his for over 10 years, but he broke it up when he learned of his ailment. He said he didn’t want to go to hell. I told him that if God can forgive, who am I not to? And left it at that. I didn’t get angry at him. I just kept thinking if the woman he found was as boring as he was.
Now that he has made his confession, should I also make mine? I don’t feel guilty at all. I saved my marriage by having that affair!
—Wife with a Reason
It sometimes takes three to make a marriage. Or four. But nobody will admit that except those who went into it and succeeded in saving their marriage. If done as a breather and not as a jumping board for an all-out relationship—then it could be deemed as just stepping away from a difficult time and looking at it from a clearer perspective. And when you’re ready, you can go back in again and even realize that your marriage wasn’t so bad after all.
Some people don’t really want to throw away decades-long relationships, but clearly cannot stay one more minute in them. This momentary diversion allows one of them to cool down and appreciate something he or she may have been ready to walk away from.
Making a confession is a very personal matter. Nobody can advise you to do it. Nobody can push you to make one for any reason. You’re the only one who lives with your conscience and knows what it can and cannot take. Stay away, though, from the holier-than-thous. Since they already have reserved seats beside St. Peter, they may drown you out with their righteous indignation.
Any decision you make is between you and your Creator.
Send your letters to [email protected] or [email protected], subject: Lifestyle. Listen to my environment program on DWBL, 1242khz, daily, 5-6 p.m.; or on https://dwbl-am1232khz.blogspot.com.
