Does this ‘friendship’ have to be defined? | Lifestyle.INQ

OCTOBER 27, 2022



I was 52 when I went out on a blind date with a widower.  I’ve never been married, but I lived with a divorced man for 14 years, who left me for a younger single mother. I am living off my parents’ properties, but my friends thought it was about time I got married and got me together with this guy, whose wife died over 10 years ago.  He’s a wealthy businessman with three grown children.


I found him drab, uncommunicative and unattractive,  but since I am able to adjust to any personality,  he became friendly and outgoing as we started to go out.  Nothing came out of it for the first two years, until recently, when he started hanging out in my house and spending more time with me.  He’d call for advice on anything, like what clothes to buy, invite me to his friends’ parties, and even bring me to family events.   Perhaps he finds me acceptable since I stay home most of the time except when my friends ask me to lunch or go shopping.


He has not made any moves to be romantic with me, and I never encouraged him.  I feel I have become sort of a surrogate wife to him, except there’s no relationship.  Should I try to pin him down and ask what his intentions are?  I almost cannot plan anything on my own anymore, because I’ve been at his beck and call, mostly.   I like his company, but I cannot imagine myself married to him.  Do you think it will be the end of this friendship if he tells me?




You yourself said that you like his company, except that you cannot imagine being married to him.  Fine!  So, don’t move a muscle that would make him look in that direction.  Don’t give him ideas.   Being wanted by a likable companion without the responsibilities and obligations of being his wife?  Aren’t you having the best of both worlds?


We encounter many friends and friendships in our lifetime.  We truly love many of them, but in all honesty, could not live with some of them if we wanted to.  It happens, and this friendship with your widower friend may be one of them.  Embrace your non-relationship with him.  Enjoy the company he provides you.  Savor his need for your advice and fun.  He could probably get a more loving alliance from a dog if he had an inkling of how you felt about him.  But hey, he cannot bring a dog to parties or go drinking with his friends!


A good looking, smart lady is always a trump card in any setting—no matter what her feelings for the person she’s with.  Go with the flow and don’t fix it if it ain’t broke!   Talk about being lucky.


Please send your letters to [email protected] or emarcelo629, subject: Lifestyle. I invite you to listen to my environment program on DWBL 1242khz, daily, 5-6 p.m., or on



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