Dear Emily,

 

I am 32 years old and have always been unsuccessful with relationships. My problem is that I always fall for younger girls who have to be pampered and whose every whim catered to. Then, my work prevents me from spending time with the girl I am in a relationship with, and this always leads to our inevitable breakup.

 

Now, instead of having a relationship with a girl near my age, I chose to get in a long-distance relationship with a girl that I met through a common friend. The problem now is, it is the girl who does not have time for me.

 

Is it my choice of younger women that is the problem, or is it me and my ignorance of how to be in a relationship? Or don’t I know what I want or what would make me happy?  Would getting into a relationship with someone who is of my age be better?

 

—LJ

 

It’s only human nature to be attracted to women of certain types.  Some men like them young, old(er), tall, petite, chubby, thin as rail. But amazingly, many successful relationships are between people who’d never pick each other up in a hundred years.

 

How are you in a relationship anyway? Are you the kind, considerate, loving, generous boyfriend? These qualities are not so out of this world or relegated to fairy tales.  These traits are doable if you truly love the girl. An important element in a relationship is being attentive to what she is not saying.

 

Are you sensitive enough to translate her silences? If you only had one asset and it’s being kind—that’ll be enough to fill up her basic needs.  Kindness will make you tune in to her feelings and make sure she is never wanting.

 

Don’t box yourself in something that will be hard to get out of. Consider women who will make you a better and a worthwhile person, whatever their age and appearance. Just refrain from judging a book by its cover.

 

E-mail [email protected] or [email protected]. Listen to my radio program “Kalikasan Vigilante,” Monday-Friday, 5-6 p.m. on DWBL 1242khz, or my podcast at https://kalikasanvigilante.blogspot.com.