DEAR EMILY,
I am in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend who is working abroad. I’m also soon going out of the country to work. We are unsure when we will be seeing each other again.
We used to be very much in love when we were still together. Our friends noticed it and his mom had confided to me how strongly her son feels about me. Although we’re now oceans apart and uncertain of the future, we made a pact to continue our relationship whatever the odds are.
We now communicate through phone calls, IM and Skype, though not often. He would send me gifts through his mom and I sometimes visit her. I would like to say we miss each other so much, but I can only speak for myself. He tells me how he misses me but everytime we talk, he would always cut short our conversation or always end it in a hurry. He makes excuses and I always catch him lying. This hurts me really bad.
Is this normal in a long-distance relationship? Has it already started to waver and may not be as strong as before? Or am I just boring him? What should I do? Should I continue this relationship and hold on to my hope? Or should I open my mind to the possibility that one day this would end?
I love him so much, but I can’t afford to get hurt. Can I just tell him about our communication problem so that we can resolve it. I am so confused.—Breeze
Answer:
Your boyfriend’s actions surely scream to high heavens how he truly feels about you. He loves you so much and thinks of you so sweetly it probably hurts his teeth; and misses you like crazy that he cannot wait to say goodbye and get off the phone when he is talking to you.
Is that a man in love or just someone you had a relationship with once upon a time?
There is something about physical separation that either drives you crazy in love with the person you left behind, or makes you realize that the wide blue sea is truly teeming with exciting, more succulent fish.
From your narrative, guess where your boyfriend’s frame of mind is? You hurt because, didn’t an old song say, “when a lovely flame dies, smoke gets in your eyes?”
The varying states of hope and hopelessness in your many questions about this relationship only show how vulnerable and unsure you are of him. Anyone who makes you feel unwanted must be discarded, thrown out the window, flushed down the sewer.
Mere separation should not make you feel unloved or unimportant. Because you are. And because you had a pact which he is reneging on now.
Aren’t you about to discover the world yourself? Take it then to restructure your life and look at the options fate is laying out for you. Give yourself more value and let go of people who seem to be getting rid of you—one hint at a time.
Love is that heartwarming feeling of security, happiness and contentment—whether you’re together or apart. Anything less than that is unacceptable.
E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com. Listen to my radio program “Kalikasan Vigilante” Monday-Friday, 5 p.m.-6 p.m., on DWBL 1242khz or my podcast at https://kalikasanvigilante.blogspot.com.