DEAR EMILY,
I’m a mother of three kids, ages 10, four and three. I separated in 2010 from my husband who is eight years my senior. I married him after knowing him only two months. I thought it was the best way to escape the problems of my family.
I never learned to love him. Having sex with him was like being raped; I would cry every time he forced me to do it with him.
Now that he is out of my life, I am thinking that I am too young to be alone at 34. I don’t even look like I have kids. I want to experience what it is to love someone for the rest of my life.
I met someone on the Net who is single, attractive, professional, kind, fun to be with, etc. I have feelings for him. I sent him messages on YM because he’s abroad, and he sometimes would reply back.
Recently, he said he was too busy at work and couldn’t reply. So, I decided to send him my final YM message, telling him he would never hear from me anymore. I also apologized for putting him on the spot. I did that just to see his reaction. There was none.
I am not sure if the feeling is mutual. I was just thinking—what if he feels the same way about me? After all, I’ve told him everything there is to know about my life. Should I tell him exactly how I feel for him? I’d give everything and will be the happiest girl if I can have a relationship with him. I just know this man will be my transformation in all aspects of my human existence.
DESPERATELY IN LOVE
What? Didn’t he say he didn’t have time to reply to your messages anymore? What more is there to tell him?
You’re smitten with this man when you’ve only been writing to each other! Have you experienced any of his kindness ever? Answering your letters does not mean he is kind, you know.
When you said “this man will be my transformation in all aspects of my human existence,” are you even aware of what you mean? He can be a woman-beater, a moody selfish partner for all you know, and already, you are willing to throw away your future for some stranger? The fact that he gave you a song and dance about being busy only means one thing: HE IS NOT INTO YOU.
Did you honestly believe that this unknown you met in cyberspace would want to give up all that he’s working hard for to secure a happy future for himself, for you, a woman with three children? Can you even imagine how he could be comparing a life with you to the number of single unencumbered women available for him to choose from?
If he had as much as a sliver of affection for you and you told him you’d stop communicating with him, he’d probably have fallen off his chair and called you immediately.
But he had no comment? Doesn’t that paint you a pretty picture of how much he cares for you? These are hard realities you cannot seem to see.
And 34 is not young anymore. Far from it! It is an age when you should already have a clear vision for your children’s future, by showing more sense and maturity. Now, you’re just acting like a teenybopper, throwing yourself after a man and swearing to love him forever, when you barely know him.
Think of your kids more and less of yourself. There are three very vulnerable lives involved here, you know. Show the heavens what a dependable mother you are, and how reliable you will be in steering their very young lives toward becoming good people.
There’s good karma in store for you right there. That wonderful man you’ve been pining for might just appear when the time is ripe. Just set your priorities in order.
Send e-mail to emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com. Do listen to my radio program “Kalikasan Vigilante” Monday-Friday, 5 p.m.-6 p.m., on DWBL 1242khz, or podcast at https://kalikasanvigilante.blogspot.com/