DEAR EMILY,
I am 31 and have two kids. I have a very complicated story. No one seems to want to help me out, because I am the mistress of a married man. We have been living together for more than two years now, after his wife forced him out of her house in 2010.
I know we started out wrong and tried to end it. His wife harasses us, calling my officemates and even involving my dad and her parents. She created a scandal in my office, hurling invectives and physically abusing me.
I realize my mistake and I completely understand her pain and suffering, but should I be the only one to blame? I never did anything to her. I think my boyfriend came to me for comfort because of the way she treated him.
I had already separated from him because he was unable to protect me or stand up to his wife’s abuse, but she didn’t believe he had left me and continued harassing me. She even collects his entire monthly salary and won’t leave anything for his food or fare.
I pitied him for what was happening, so much that I took him back. I couldn’t leave him not being able to afford three meals a day because he still has to pay for his room and fare. It was so painful for me to see him suffer like that. I now pay for everything, even for his fare going to the office.
The wife recently barged into my house with their two kids, screaming her head off and demanding he go home with them, knowing it was my eldest daughter’s birthday and all her father could give her was his presence.
I’ve only asked my partner to be with us for Christmas and spend the rest of the holidays with them, but she wants everything for herself. Is it right for her to deprive her husband his salary, not even sharing his 13th-month pay so he can buy something for himself and our kids? What else does she want? She has all his money, at least P40,000 a month, and weekend visits. My children could not even spend that much quality time with their father.
THE MISTRESS
Given the circumstances, I cannot give you the sympathy you’re probably expecting. You destroyed a family, girl! Were you raped at gunpoint? Blindly believed his cock and bull story that he was single? Did he swear on a stack of Bibles that he was separating from a difficult wife? You had no right to have those children! Haven’t you heard of condoms? Did you think you’d be able to hold on to him by having them? Or was your plan to be a single mother with no strings attached?
The guy is a married man! However unhappy or aggrieved he was when he took solace in your arms, he shouldn’t have transformed a bump on the road into a mountain. So he took a breather from his wife—did she even have an inkling he was unhappy with her?
The wife had every right to vent her anger—you destroyed her family! It’s just too bad that in her rage, she stooped down to the lowest level of fish-wifery by humiliating you in public. She should have maintained her dignity by never laying eyes on you. But her house was on fire, and no way could she calm her raging adrenaline without storming in and saving whatever she could.
Your illegitimate children have rights under the law. But it cannot be legislated that the father spend time with them during their birthdays or Christmas and other events. That’s a decision he alone can make, with or without his wife’s consent. Apparently, your boyfriend feels he has to spend crucial occasions with his real family. There now is a loss-loss situation for you because you really don’t know where you stand.
Society grudgingly accepts extramarital jaunts when there is great love involved. Had he made a stand to stick with you by fixing the legal side of your relationship, the wife would have had no choice but surrender her claim on his affection, after a while. But the fact that she can make herself a menace to everyone around you speaks volumes about this man’s lack of spine and control of the situation. He may be sleeping with you, but is he providing a future for you?
Make an honest woman of yourself by making sure where you stand. You’re only 31! How can you be throwing away your whole future for someone who doesn’t know where he belongs?
E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com