DEAR EMILY,
What can one do to make or help a boyfriend have a successful career? When I say successful, I mean that he be gainfully employed and earn a stable income.
My past relationship was with an aspiring band member. He did not make it big and after trying, he basically led an aimless life. He never tried to finish his degree or get another job. He was a bum for several years. I paid for all his expenses, all our dates, and bought him all his necessities and whims.
I am not a “sugar mommy.” I am two years his junior. I also always hear that I am “too pretty” for him. I started taking my job seriously if I wanted to make a future for us. I have reached that stage in my career where I can clearly support him and even future kids. Fortunately, that relationship ended.
Now I’m with a “licensed professional,” a lawyer who recently passed the bar. I’m noticing that he is actually the same. He lives off his parents’ money. He has no “real income.” He’s too lazy to get a job or find whatever is available for now. And I am already starting to pay for most of our dates. I am very disappointed.
What am I doing wrong? Is there anything I can do to make the man I’m with successful in his career? I may not be the most diplomatic person on earth, but I’ve reminded these boyfriends what they should be doing and how they should be seizing opportunities. I am in a position to give them this advice as I have achieved my income goals at this young age. Am I bringing bad luck to my men’s career?
—Unlucky Charm
“How do you solve a problem like Maria?” asks the song from “The Sound of Music.” Answer? “Just love her.”
Well, you gave love to those freeloaders but failed—miserably. They felt so comfortable with the non-challenging life they were having with you that they just didn’t find the energy to help lift themselves anymore. You were doing it all for them! You were their lucky charm.
But you’re a young professional, considered pretty by many, who has the world at her feet. Why not give yourself some slack and forget men for a while.
Concentrate on bettering yourself, emotionally and intellectually, and allow yourself to grow, until you reach that maturity in discernment and be able to distinguish inherent toads and would-be princes at the right time.
Don’t be deluded by charm, or college degrees that impress, or whatever trappings come with seduction. These are all gift wrappings, book covers that belong to the garbage dump. They’re not even recyclable. Beauty fades and money dissolves in a blink of an eye.
It shouldn’t be difficult for you to find the right man. Someone who values hard work and family like you do could be lurking in the shadows, watching out for that woman with the same aspirations.
You’re not in a rush, are you? After these past mishaps, you must have swallowed enough bitter pills in your system to give you enough immunity to counteract the bad elements you’ve met in the past?
The last thing you need now is to find another sinkhole. And luck comes with patience.
E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com