An interesting thing about my childhood is that I have a nuclear family—but I also have gay dads. Aside from my actual parents, a lot of the guidance I received during my formative years came from men who moonlighted as drag queens in turn of the century Cebu.
I won’t be dropping any names (because some of my titos and titas still work in highly discriminatory industries), but I want to give respect and credit to the gay village who helped raise me.
Our family’s business was in the creative side. We sold furniture for export, which meant my parents dealt with a lot of designers, interior decorators, and other sorts of creatives. My mom, being the sociable person that she is, made friends with a lot of the people she worked with.
And most of them just so happened to be gay.
For Father’s Day, I wanted to share a few words of wisdom I overheard—most of them said offhand—by all the gay dads who influenced the person I am today.
“Don’t wear anything that makes you feel uncomfortable; it’ll show.”
I was once at a fitting with one of my titos for a dress my mom was getting made. She looked great in it, but the bodice was a little too tight. My mom promised she could breathe through the evening, but my tito made the executive decision to loosen it.
He said that even if it looked good on her, she’ll have to suffer through the entire night and people will notice. He also said it’ll affect how she interacts with other people because she’s not comfortable. And yes, this is my sweatpants origin story (kidding).
“Respect your parents and make sure to tell them you love them.”
Most of my titos and titas were raised by very strict parents who didn’t have the easiest time understanding them. Some of them don’t have the best relationship with their parents, but always tell me to love mine. “Whatever happens, your parents are still your parents. And you are still their child.”
“Men will leave you. Cake won’t.”
After one of my titos and his longtime partner broke up, he was a little (read: extremely) devastated. He visited us one afternoon to pour his heart out to my mom and in the middle of the cake he was eating he said, “Drei, loving people is hard. Even if you love them as much as you can, they’ll still leave you.”
He took a dramatic pause to stare into the distance and continued, “Men will leave you. Cake won’t.”
An absolute banger of a quote and a lesson.
“It’s all about the attitude.”
When I was a kid, all of the big parties my mom organized always had drag performers. Whether it was my parents’ anniversary or my brother’s high school graduation, there would always be a queen that performed to Whitney Houston’s greatest hits. On one notable occasion, the queen performing slipped and fell—before death drops were a thing.
Instead of scampering off stage, she flawlessly incorporated it into her “ I Will Always Love You” routine. I asked her how her butt was feeling after her performance and she responded, “It’s all about the attitude. If you fall, make it look like you planned it and just keep performing.”
“Smile at people who don’t like you—it pisses them off.”
Being gay means being the subject of a lot of discrimination. One of my mom’s closest friends is a cisgendered female-passing gay man who uses both “he” and “she” pronouns, which means she looks like she was born a woman.
We once ran into a few people who didn’t like that she went by both “she” and “he” instead of just “he.” She just smiled at them while they were giving her dirty looks. She then turned to me and said, “Drei, if someone ever hates you for any reason, always smile at them when you see each other. It really pisses them off.”