Dear Emily,
I am a working mom, married 14 years to a seaman, and we have two kids. I thought I had a happy family until two years ago.
My husband came home for vacation and something seemed fishy about him. Suddenly he’d become very aggressive, spent more time with his laptop, and was never without his phone in his pocket. One time while he was in the shower, I read the messages and found his messages to two women—a Filipina and a Malaysian!
The Filipina is even a blood relation of his and has been his girlfriend for two years, while the Malaysian is an akyat barko or prostitute who boards his ship when it is docked there. He communicates with these women via text and Facebook, and I learned he sends them dollars regularly.
It hurts so bad that my life is now ruined.
When I confronted him, he promised to change and be a good husband. But he never did. He still has the same SIM cards. I have gotten aware of the messages in the clipboard of his cell phone.
I exist only because of my children and fear of the Lord. I hate him for making a fool of me. I swallow my anger just to keep my family from breaking up.
HEARTBROKEN WIFE
A girl in every port? Didn’t that saying cross your mind when your husband started this job?
You’re brokenhearted, you’re angry, he made you feel like a fool—they’re all par for the course. Yet, you gave your consent for him to work abroad in exchange for a comfortable life for your family. Isn’t that the price you are paying for that privilege?
You’re also not factoring in your long periods of separation, the thousands of miles between you, and that you get together—barely, as husband and wife, what—once in a blue moon?
Do you think that little blur of vacation is enough to restart your passions and rethread discontinued lives—that familiar kinship that’s virtually disengaged for months or years on end? That alone should already break your heart.
The women he seeks comfort in are just an aside to the vacuum he must have experienced from the loneliness and homesickness. Over time, this, of course, has become his way of life.
That’s not to condone his lack of restraint, loyalty and judgment. That’s just reality.
Try not to focus on his infidelities while he’s still an OFW. Remember, he’s away working to give you a comfortable life. Unless you imbed a GPS in his private parts, there’s nothing to rein him in at this time.
Seek a life of your own and convert your stress and anger into useful energy. Take this long and miserable separation to improve yourself and learn something amazing.
Whether or not he remains with you after he has sated his hunger for cheap thrills is immaterial. He is not worth your misery and wrinkles as he is clearly a jerk and thinks nothing of hurting you.
Life is too short. You owe it to yourself not to make it any shorter.
E-mail the author at emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com