In a highly, informative talk two weeks ago to Inquirer editors and executives, leading educator/Inquirer Learning columnist/math genius Dr. Queena Lee-Chua shared a survey finding that today’s tweens/teens confess to boredom. These youngsters—who have smartphones, tablets, laptops/computers, cable TV, gaming gadgets, iPods, among a gazillion toys—are bored!

 

The survey revealed that the young ones find themselves not having anything to do, and that they preferred to just stay in their rooms and not go out.

 

The recent survey was done among high school students of select schools whose demographics are male and female, middle class to affluent.

 

Lee-Chua echoed the reaction of parents and teachers to the plaint of these students: Why?

 

Do nothing

 

Bored despite all the “toys” and multimedia stimulants at their disposal? What to do, they ask.

 

Lee-Chua said that, honestly, she’s tempted to tell them, “Why don’t you try and do nothing, for a change?”

 

For a change.

 

We belong to a generation of parents that has been and still is ultra-conscientious about child rearing and wants to give the world—the world—to our kids. Well, parents of whatever generation do. But times change, thus the difference in degrees of pampering.

 

The generations before ours were born or grew up in a time of war and world turmoil. Therefore, they lived and reared their children as if the world was going to end tomorrow, with strictness and even a certain paranoia about security and poverty. They were generally autocratic—they dictated, you obeyed; hardly such a thing as dinner-table talk. Traditional parenting was characterized more by a generation gap than bonding.

 

Other extreme

 

When our turn came to parent, we swung to the other extreme. The dinner table is always open to discussion; not only that, we feel compelled to want to hear from our kids 24/7. We want to know if they’re alive, breathing and are well-provided for.

 

We provide them stimulation, sometimes even long before they are born (classical music beamed to the womb). “Sesame Street” or “Batibot” were only the start of mass media stimulation, it turned out.

 

Time was when the big debate was whether or not to expose our kids to TV, and how much. That dilemma had been rendered moot and academic, apparently, because of the unending parade of multimedia gadgets today, from computers and laptops to PlayStations, iPads, iPods, tablets, smartphones, and the bewildering choices of software.

 

When I was raising my boys, there were only Nintendo or PlayStation. Today, my younger friends have five- or seven-year-olds who can order playthings on their iPads—behind daddy/mommy’s back.

 

One father I know was a bit proud that his son first learned how to read by tinkering with games on the iPad—his first word, “exit.” Another mother was happy that her one-year-old was beginning to talk a lot, again because of the iPad.

 

So, moving forward, today’s tweens and teens are bored? They have topped their game scores? One editor father at the Inquirer talk gave the feedback that, in his house, he tries to impose mealtimes, because otherwise his tween son would not take a break from his video game.

 

Dr. Lee-Chua also expressed shock at how she has observed the young to be not into face-to-face interaction. “They text each other endlessly, even as they are seated in front of each other. When I asked them, why text when you can just talk, they say that it’s easier to say things in text message than face-to-face.”

 

Today’s generation has the option not to interact with a human being; it can limit its interaction with a machine or gadget that will do one’s bidding. No questions asked.

 

Given that environment, how does a parent deal with his/her youngster’s boredom? Be a living, breathing parent, I guess. Interact with your child, no matter the resistance, no matter the rare moments.

 

In my era of parenting, I enrolled my boys in sports or summer activities that would fill their time, develop their skills and self-confidence—and just as important, leave them exhausted at the end of the day. Perhaps that must be why, to this day, they are fitness junkies, and each has his own sport/fitness obsession.

 

Reading

 

But parenting then was simpler than it is now (I never thought I would see the day when I’d call our parenting experience “simpler”). There are many more options and tantalizing distractions that today’s parents compete with. That’s why, if I had tweens or teens today, I would seize every moment to connect to them, no matter how fleeting or odd the hours. Just connect and be in touch. Listen more than you blab.

 

And expose them to the fascinating world of books and literature. Reading! Not just text messages. I have yet to meet people, old or young, who get bored even as they read.

 

Storytelling shouldn’t stop at bedtime for tots. Storytelling between parent and child should go on and on.

 

When a child or even a young adult reads or listens to stories, his/her mind works, the sense of values comes to light and is reinforced. He/she learns of different types of characters, and of the difference between right and wrong, good and evil.

 

Sports, reading and pets. Who can resist a lovable pup? Use a pet to teach your kids responsibility. House-training, feeding, bathing a puppy can keep the kids occupied. Just make sure they don’t pass on the chores to the yaya.

 

Deal with it

 

The pet can teach your kids compassion and empathy in a way you can’t, believe it or not. A pet taps into your kid’s nurturing side. Pets and plants. I remember what a prominent mother once said—she does gardening with her sons sometimes to teach them how to nurture.

 

You’re doing all of the above, and your kids are still bored?

 

As far as I know, no child has died of boredom. Today’s parents—feeling guilty perhaps because they’re too busy—can be  “over-nurturing.” They pamper, spoil and overcompensate for their lack of time.

 

Tweens and teens should be made to face boredom, whether they like it or not. Why should we shield them from it? That should be their early experience of life. Life is not a video game. You can’t zap away what you don’t like.

 

Life brings blessings and deprivations. Life can be thrilling. Sometimes life sucks. So, deal with it, we should tell our kids.