There is nothing like the teen years—coping with youth angst aggravated by hormonal rages over the littlest things, while trying hard not to give in to  peer pressure from so-called friends who are also trying to find themselves.

Jenny (not her real name) was a diligent student who got high grades and was active both in extra-curricular activities and socio-civic work. She had loyal friends and belonged to a pool of musicians, with whom she played the guitar exquisitely.

Not known to many, however, she had just come out of a relationship and was struggling to control her feelings. The situation at home was no help because she had a tense relationship with her family.

Then she discovered that she had health problems as well, making her feel that nothing was going right for her, driving her to want to give it all up. As the M*A*S*H song goes: “That suicide is painless. It brings on many changes and I can take or leave it if I please.”

The suicide rate of teenagers in the Philippines seems to be on the rise, and experts attribute such ominous statistics to broken families, physical or verbal abuse, low self-esteem and the like.

The recent suicide-killing in Pampanga of a 13-year-old boy and his 16-year-old lover hogged the headlines. How can one give up on life at a very young age?

Here in 2bu, we feel this issue needs to be addressed and taken seriously by young people, their families, schools and government authorities.

Rolling in the deep

Teenagers go through rough times as they transition to adulthood, because the distinction between being a child and a responsible adult blurs. They now bear responsibilities, and should, they’re often enough reminded, set a good example to those younger than them.

This can take a toll on a young person because he/she may be overwhelmed by the obligations he/she needs to fulfill towards the community, family and himself/herself. Then there are other pressures of growing up.

Chris, 15, who studies in a Catholic all-girl school, admits to having suicidal thoughts. “Yes,” she says. “I’ve thought of suicide because I feel I’m such a disappointment to my parents. I think that I’m not good enough,” she says.

According to Lia, 14, she has batchmates who cut or slash themselves. “I don’t know why they are all sad.”

Lia never contemplated suicide but has noticed that her peers have these dark thoughts. “They seem really happy, but they have all these problems they keep inside. You can see they are sad because when you ask them about it, they suddenly shut up.”

“I have other classmates and batchmates, too, who would say it’s because of problems or pressures or disappointments in life,” adds Lia.

“I have a friend, Anna, who said she was ‘tired of everything.’ She doesn’t think she’ll ever make it in life. Sometimes, when we talk about it, some of my classmates think they aren’t special or they are useless in the world. They ask, ‘if I were gone, would anyone miss me? Did I make an impact?’”

For Isabel, 14, it was because she was bullied in school. “Yes, I have thoughts of suicide because once I was bullied in my old school. It really hurt me deep inside, so I tried cutting myself. I’ve only told my best friend about it.”

Death romanticized

“Admittedly, especially when you’re younger and because of the way media romanticizes drugs, suicide and self-harm, there’s something attractive about involving yourself in any one of these,” says Jenny.

“Some of my friends and I treat the subject lightly,” she adds. “We even entertained the idea starting at a young age. I understand now that we were the product of our own problems and we are very susceptible to the influences of the times.”

Mark, 23, when asked if he feels a certain high about the idea of risking death, says, “Not a high—more like a relief, really.”

“I’m indifferent towards my life. With what little time I have spent in it, I honestly feel like I’m done with it. I have experienced all there is to experience and now I’m done,” he adds. “Is it so wrong to put an end to a story that has already concluded?”

“I’m being realistic. I’m guessing being bipolar means I have a pretty warped sense of reality, but this is my reality, and I know it sounds arrogant of me but if I want to try suicide, and I’m not harming anyone else, why not?” he says.

Helpline

While Jenny would not elaborate about what she intended to do, a friend stayed on the line with her and told her everything would be okay, easing her out of her highly emotional situation and refocusing her attention to appreciating the simple blessings in life.

The second time around, Jenny told her mother. She now believes it was “the wisest thing I’ve ever done.”

Jenny has made an effort to go through the process of healing her mind and body. At times, she falls into depression again, and thoughts of suicide  once more creeps in. She deals with it by “ignoring it and quieting myself to pray.”

“Prayer has helped me a lot,” she says. “If there’s one thing I learned after this whole thing, it’s that God understands me better than anyone else on earth does. Even now as I ask Him all these questions about who I should be, I feel His love for me more, and more and it’s all very overwhelming.”

People who find themselves at a crossroads like Jenny should seek help from family or friends or professional counselors, if they feel their family actually aggravates their depression.

If one finds himself caught in a haze brought on by adolescence, it is important to remember the things that make him or her happy and feeling well-balanced.

Anchoring

Teenage life is like being in a boat out at sea—one is buffeted by forces and influences, so it is important to anchor one’s life: It could be an ideal, a commitment, a fellowship;  or in the case of Jenny, on faith.

Inner healing is a process and it cannot be done overnight.

“There’s still heaviness inside of me,” admits Jenny. “I still fall into small ‘deprepisodes’ from time to time. I can’t say that because I’m still alive right now, I’m happier. It doesn’t automatically work like that. But for some reason it’s easier to acknowledge that there’s a problem, and that I’m on the way to fixing myself. That gives me hope.”

The story of Jenny and of many others like her who struggle to find themselves in the hurly-burly of this world should inspire others who may have lost their will to continue living.

When some might feel that there is no other way out, one must always remember that each waking day is a blessing and a start—to get back on track, to make things right and to hope that a new dawn comes even after the darkest night.