Gone are the days when one’s loathing of a certain individual was released through tried-and-tested ways, like vandalizing bathrooms, passing around notes or talking behind their backs. We now have the Internet to thank—and curse.

Websites such as Formspring.me (formerly known as Formspring) were originally created as communities for conversation. You get to know friends and even strangers by asking random questions about them, and you can state your thoughts and opinions.

The catch, though, is that you can do it anonymously. Though the intentions of the creators of these websites may have been good, some users have abused their hidden identities and made these platforms for online bullying by sending hate mail.

Some have labeled this act as “trolling,” and due to its severity, there have been reported incidents of teenage suicide resulting from this form of digital cruelty.

Trolling

I have a Formspring.me account, and I have received thousands of questions the past months. When people know they can hide behind their computer screens, they aren’t very nice. I occasionally receive hate mail.

They always target your looks, telling me I’m downright ugly or there’s something wrong with my face or my body. When people have nothing better to do, they send me disgusting, perverted questions. They ask personal questions I’m never comfortable answering. Since I have a blog that also serves as my online portfolio, they tell me how bad my photographs and artworks are, and why I shouldn’t be called an artist.

These are just a few examples of what I have to go through daily. How do you handle hate mail? I won’t lie. There have been times when I wanted to delete my account because I couldn’t take how some people could be so mean and rude. Strangers have even threatened me. I remember crying the first time I got hate mail because I was so affected by it.

One of the wisest things my friend told me was that it’s inevitable that others will disagree with me.

It is so clichéd, but I cannot please everyone even if I wanted to. Through time, I learned how to handle hate mail—how to accept real criticism, ignore useless messages and, at times, respond to them.

There are things you must always remember when answering hate mail. First, you always have a choice—to publish the questions you get or not. Formspring.me does not require its members to answer all the questions they get. Some people ask overly personal, rude and vulgar questions. They do this only out of curiosity or to make fun of others.

The more you keep giving them what they want, the more they will abuse and feel superior to you.

Second, distinguish between real criticism and hate mail disguised as criticism. When people criticize, they do it to make something or someone better. If it is, indeed, valid criticism, when person states good reasons why you are wrong, and  suggests ways to correct your faults. Unless this is the case and if all they do is undermine your work and weaken your self-confidence, ignore it.

Valid criticism

Here’s a simple example. If you post a photograph of yourself, valid criticism would go—maybe a lighter shade of lipstick is better for your skin color, or smiling and baring your teeth would make you look better.

Hate mail disguised as criticism goes— you should never wear that shade of lipstick again because it makes your fat, dark lips stand out.

Third, you must not take all submissions to heart. Sometimes it’s difficult not to, especially when they make it seem as if they’re telling the “truth.” What they’re really doing is toying with your feelings and your self-esteem. A person is more likely to become a victim of cyber-bullying if she or he keeps caring about what other people have to say.

Always keep in mind that people have different insights. A lot of people judge others only from what they see on the Internet. As long as you have not offended anyone or have not intentionally hurt others, hate mail does not mean anything.

Remember, hate mail is merely words meant to hurt you, make you weak and scared and doubt your capabilities. If these tips still don’t work for you, maybe you aren’t ready for a Formspring.me account because it can take over your life and make you miserable.

People who spend their time going through one account after another, scrutinizing others just because he or she can hide behind his or her computer screen, will never be as valuable as you.

And to all the haters out there, always remember what a certain “Glee” character once said: “Just because you’re free to say whatever you want doesn’t always mean you should.”