Okay, the truth is we’re half-hearted about running this story, because more widespread exposure might undermine the whole thing—but at the same time, it’s too good not to share. So here goes: remember when some US executive agencies went rogue after the White House had them delete tweets? A few disgruntled government workers are finally doing the same here.
Today, we discovered the existence of at least three rogue government accounts. The first, most important one is @AltMalacanang (and that’s alt, not alter), who, if we are to believe their official backstory, are a bunch of Duterte voters who are now completely dissatisfied with the guy they voted for. So they’re turning their guilt and anger into something more productive, which is by livetweeting all the hilariously sad shit going on inside the Palace. Check out their badass mission statement:
We voted for Duterte and now work for him for the promised change. But this isn’t the “change” we wanted for the country. We oppose idiocy.
— Alt Malacañang (@AltMalacanang) March 13, 2017
For those asking, to the contrary, we AREN’T and NEVER were “yellow”. We now speak out because incompetence must go beyond party politics.
— Alt Malacañang (@AltMalacanang) March 13, 2017
And whether you choose to believe their scoops or not, we get some really awesome gems like the following:
Spox Andanar has been depressed since taking on the job. Palace is looking for a replacement. Media hates him. We pity the poor guy.
— Alt Malacañang (@AltMalacanang) March 12, 2017
Contrary to pop belief, Du30 never take economy flights to Davao. It hapnd one time 4 photo op; the rest were in a private jet fr. cronies.
— Alt Malacañang (@AltMalacanang) March 10, 2017
So your feels today is #NaDuterteTayo? Just imagine what we folks in the Palace feels. Every single day. So help us God.
— Alt Malacañang (@AltMalacanang) March 10, 2017
And our absolute favorite today:
PRRD went furious watching Madam Sec @TeaLeoni. We scrambled to control Pres’ ire. PH emb had to issue misguided statement. #relaxduterte pic.twitter.com/cViOrltCQQ
— Alt Malacañang (@AltMalacanang) March 12, 2017
Honestly, this has been around for at least a month now and we’re kicking ourselves that we didn’t find it sooner. It’s up to you on how much salt you want to take their tweets with—we just think it’s pure comedy. The sad, we’re-really-messed-up-now-aren’t-we kind.
The legislative branch of the government is represented, too, by @RogueSenStaff and @roguehrepstaff. They’re honestly not as sharp as Alt Malacanang, but given the way both chambers of Congress are being run right now, they’re still useful and welcome accounts, staffed by similar people who voted for Duterte and were totally disappointed.
Where Alt Malacanang likes to tell insightful tales of days at the Palace, the Congress accounts are much more savage and petty:
Hey Senator @jvejercito having fun to have 8 mistresses that is included in your office payroll?! You dickface!
— Rogue Senate Staff (@RogueSenStaff) March 13, 2017
Hey Sen @alanpcayetano are you enjoying using gay dating apps like Blued and Grindr? Please don’t try Planet Romeo, si Contreras makukuha mo
— Rogue Senate Staff (@RogueSenStaff) March 13, 2017
Tangna. Umihi na naman si Cong sa pantalon nya. Haha Kaya kapag nakikita namin sa elevator yan kulasan lahat kami lul haha?
— ROGUE HREP STAFF (@roguehrepstaff) March 13, 2017
Grab Car scene today;
Before I sleep: EDSA PIONEER
After I sleep: EDSA PIONEER
Anu na PDuts?! Puro tayo dada eh! Tangnang traffic to! ?
— ROGUE HREP STAFF (@roguehrepstaff) March 13, 2017
If there’s anything we’d like to say, though, it’s that @roguehrepstaff has to chill a little bit. A thorough reading of his Twitter feed leaves a lot of clues that can make his identity easy to figure out, beyond covering his face with a sticker. It’s actually entirely possible that the people he tweets about actually already know who he is, but we’re just worried about the guy.
Now we’re waiting for someone to go rogue at the Supreme Court so we can cover all co-equal branches of the government, as well as the PNP, just for the lulz. Again, we’re not buying 100% into everything they’re saying because it’ll be just as easy for them to pull our leg as it is for the trolls on the other side to keep supplying the pro-admin Kool-Aid. But if most of these are true—and that’s a really significant if—it’s an important look into the government that the mainstream media can’t always provide, even if they wanted to.
And that’s where the lure of these accounts lie; a lot of people desperately want them to be true, if to at least prove the kind of people the Philippines elected last June. Maybe some, or most of it, are true, but at this point we’re keeping our expectations low. Until we can have all of this really vetted, pass the popcorn.
UPDATE (4:52 p.m.): We were alerted to the existence of a rogue AFP account at @AltTeamAFP, which throws some pretty verbose shade:
LTGEN MIRANDA’s shabby preferences reflect his so-called leadership. Like Ms Uson’s physical assets- fake and unstable. Opprobrious. https://t.co/s6qmvhPaYw
— Alt Team AFP (@AltTeamAFP) March 14, 2017
The fun never stops, and proves that dissent will always find new ways to manifest itself within a culture of corruption. Keep ’em coming, y’all.
