Warning: This article contains spoilers.

Like everyone else over the weekend, I got screwed by Netflix’s “I Care A Lot.”

Granted, I expected it as a “Gone Girl” and Rosamund Pike veteran. While the plot’s completely different from the film that catapulted the actress into character infamy, “I Care A Lot’s” Marla Grayson might’ve taken a few classes from Amy Dunne. In the 2021 flick, Pike plays a con artist—a legal version, that is—who takes advantage of elderly folks as their appointed guardian, then leeching off all their possessions and properties.

Her life of white-collar crime isn’t really smooth sailing when she meets her match: the head honcho of the Russian mafia (played by Peter Dinklage), who happens to be the son of an older woman she had just targeted (Dianne Wiest).

It has WLW. Amateur hour mafia. Amoral but well-dressed anti-heroines. With those in the mix, it’s a given that I’ve jotted down thoughts and drafted several tweets in its two hours’ running time. And of course, I’ve got them all listed down here.

Look, I love scheming Rosamund Pike more than the next person, but I’m #TeamRussianMafia in this one.
Side note: Who knew I would root for the Russian mafia?
Marla Grayson is a despicable human being, borne from the scum of the Earth. *chef’s kiss*
Thelma and Louise are shaking from the sheer gayness and moral ambiguity of Marla and Fran.
If my court-appointed guardian wore pantsuits and sunglasses like that—while effortlessly lounging, watching my care home kidnapper/rescuer get arrested—I’d trust them, too.
A pitch to any execs who’ve stumbled upon this: “Gemini Man,” but it’s just Rosamund Pike as Marla Grayson and Amy Dunne from “Gone Girl” wrecking havoc, maniacally laughing as the world burns.
Who will win in a fight: the most incompetent branch of organized crime, or a random con artist whose whole modus operandi is scamming old people? Tune in on Netflix.
How is everyone narrowly escaping brutal deaths every. Single. Time?
Are super secret, tucked-in-a-bank-somewhere, i-will-get-my-revenge-if-you-get-a-hold-of-these blood diamonds still a thing?
They really said “Haha, see what we did there? Full circle.”