In the song “Manic,” Mikaelle Santelices lets out a scream.
From Olivia Rodrigo in “All-american Bitch” to Phoebe Bridgers in “I Know The End,” there’s something so freeing when a woman allows herself to yell or squeal, especially in a society that still boxes them inside the Prim and Proper Department. When it comes to vulnerability, the knee-jerk reaction would be about possible consequences—baring your soul never seems to be an achievement in itself.
In a story by The Guardian, behavioral and data scientist Pragya Agarwal wrote, “Women’s screaming has long been considered unfeminine, creating discomfort for people around them. Women are given the message that screaming is ‘ugly’ and that no one will listen to them if they show their emotions.”
Screaming also doubles as an act of ownership of these supposed messy feelings, and being true to one’s limit. I often visualize this as a star collapsing, eventually turning into a supernova.
Mikaelle as a star
Sometime in the past, 20-year-old Mikaelle also pondered on stars. It began with the burning question we had a unanimous answer to in our innocent childhood: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
The fly on the wall would notice “astronaut” reigning our slightly crumpled pad papers—the career reflecting kids’ desire for something that looked both fun and larger-than-life. But as the adulthood curse would take effect, we yanked ourselves out of that fantasy upon realizing its merciless enormity.
While most of us would pursue paths that would align with our reality, Mikaelle somehow let that dream linger a little bit longer. Little did she know, its meaning would actually evolve into something else: “When I was a kid, I wanted to become an astronaut since I loved looking at stars and learning more about them. After performing for a musical at school and in repertory, I realized that I could be a star myself, with millions of people looking at me (hopefully).”
“When I was a kid, I wanted to become an astronaut since I loved looking at stars and learning more about them. After performing for a musical at school and in repertory, I realized that I could be a star myself, with millions of people looking at me (hopefully)”
The journey of her being perceived by the crowd began from reading lines and experimenting with “childish rhymes with piano melodies,” which paved the way to her dream of becoming a musician. Once upon a time, she became part of an alt-pop duo named NGL (not gonna lie) from Ateneo Musicians’ Pool.
She knew, though, that it wasn’t going to be her final form. “Mika from before was unsure of what she truly wanted. I always told people I was experimenting with different sounds. Although I wasn’t able to be as creative and ‘free’ in NGL, during my time in the duo, I still realized a clearer version for myself as a solo artist,” she divulges.
The birth of Mikasan
“A star is born once atoms of light elements are squeezed under enough pressure for their nuclei to undergo fusion. All stars are the result of a balance of forces: the force of gravity compresses atoms in interstellar gas until the fusion reactions begin,” said associate professor Richard Brill in a 1999 Scientific American article.
With a solid goal to pursue music on her own, Mikaelle created Mikasan—a person she dubs “everything she wants to be.”
“Mikasan is a character I’ve made to express my pure, raw emotions, and narrate different human experiences including mine,” she reveals. “She’s unapologetically confident, maybe even fierce. I’d like to believe that she is my higher self.”
Her “narrator” and “armor,” Mikasan’s soundscape can be enchanting, trippy, and even sometimes eerie. You’ll never know what comes next—will she pour her pent-up angst or let a first-time listener drift to a hypnotic daydream?
“I’d like to believe that my current direction for the Mikasan sound is to lure people into the story and have them experience the world I have created with my music,” she admits.
The Mikasan discography (so far)
Entering the artist’s Spotify can lead you to “Snake,” which Mikasan previously called her “Bible fanfiction”—and an epilogue of an unfinished story figuratively filed in her WIP folder.
“I’d like to believe that the snake in the Garden of Eden used to be an angel that went to hell for falling in love with Lucifer. But God, being the forgiving God that She is, gave that angel another chance and turned her into a snake to protect a certain tree as a test of loyalty for the snake, Adam, and Eve,” she explains the song’s context.
“The snake fell in love with Eve and hated how her existence came to be because Adam was a lonely man. The snake decided not to care about the consequences for as long as she had Eve, nothing and no one would matter anymore, not even God. So, the song was literally all about the snake acting all innocent and pure while she was attempting to lure in Eve, but we know how that story went.”
Penned between Grade 11 to pre-college summer, the track was borne out of Mikasan’s reminiscing session—particularly about how “queerness felt like a questionable and grave sin” when she was younger.
“I was in sixth grade in an all-girls Catholic school when I had my first girl crush from my church community,” she says. “And she, like most girls I knew in sixth grade, had their eyes fixed on a certain type of guy. Of course, we became close and she and I would call each other ‘twin’. I’d talk to her every day, go to her house often, and see her in church, all while burying the desire to be in the place of the guy she liked.”
The rich history of this song is backdropped by an equally rich soundscape. Murky vocals, infectious synths, and pauses that feel like acts of scheming wrap the track. If you listen more closely, a few parts even sound choir-like.
“My boyfriend Gabo, who is also an artist I look up to, observed how I love my synths and pads so much that it’s present in all the songs I have,” she says. “It’s true! I do love my synths! There’s something about how the sound tingles my brain and takes me to a certain place in my head.”
From video game-like realms to dreamy dance floor spins
Another standout element in Mikasan’s repertoire is it can toss you into an 8-bit world. “I’ve actually noticed how almost every art or music thing I do can be heavily inspired by games.”
“I grew up sneaking a DS or Game Boy under the sheets while my mom thought I was taking an afternoon nap. I played Mario Kart, Bomberman, that one Barbie Game Boy dream game (I forgot the title), Bratz, Mario Brothers, Pacman, and Donkey Kong, to name a few. I’ve also watched old YouTube gameplays of different RPG games I could only wish to have back then,” the musician recounts.
Apart from games, Mikasan lets her creative juices flow thanks to shows, movies, and books she picks up. “I had a song called ‘The Hunt’. It was inspired by Dracula’s wife in Castlevania and all the women of old times who were killed by men and religion.”
Although there’s an avalanche of inspiration, Mikasan’s creative process actually “comes out of nowhere” often
Although there’s an avalanche of inspiration, Mikasan’s creative process actually “comes out of nowhere” often. Whether it’s a rhyme with a beat, a beat with a sound, or a sound with a rhyme, though, her creations still end up bursting with attention-grabbing elements, carving distinct tales.
Her SoundCloud, for one, houses danceable, dreamy but still eerie-sounding works. Mikasan’s tracks “Blue” and “Indigo” may be both color-themed, but they have different backbones. While the former delves into longing and how being under strict parenting can evoke LDR feelings, the latter is inspired by 1987 film “Fatal Attraction.” “[It is about] how love and lust can often be confused with one another today, like the color indigo,” she tells me.
There are more diaristic works there, too. “Teenagers,” which came into existence in 2019, chronicles Mikasan’s reflection on her very first open house party experience at 16. It was a “scary and dark” combination of “alcohol and loud music, [and] crying girls and shouting boys.”
With this, music also helps Mikasan defeat some demons. Exhibit A: “Alexithymia,” which was released for Pride at MCR (Manila Community Radio). “[It] is all about how I couldn’t really get past a certain version of me possibly because of fear,” she says. Meanwhile, “Anxious” is her “secret letter” to friends during the time she was MIA.
In music, Mikasan doesn’t shy away from ripping her heart open. After all, even though Mikaelle views Mikasan as her higher being, she knows her limits, too.
“I channel her energy whenever I need reassurance and confidence. I honestly could not be her every day though, since it’ll exhaust me being that powerful, energetic, confident, and extroverted. But whenever I need her, she shows up and supports me mentally,” she claims.
In creating music, Mikasan admits to feeling overwhelmed at times. “I cry sometimes while trying to get a sound out of my thoughts and feelings.”
Mikasan the DJ and designer
When the Gen Z musician isn’t confronting herself for music, she leads the dancefloor as a DJ. In Dec. 2023, she had her DJ gig debut at Anima Art Space.
“I loved sharing songs I found groovy and empowering in a DJ set! My boyfriend actually introduced me to DJing and taught me how to pace energies, choose songs, etc. I loved the process of learning how to continue the energy throughout my set,” she recalls. “I was really nervous in the first few minutes but having my boyfriend stay in front of me and constantly give me reassuring, supportive looks really helped! I was also really glad that some of my friends gave me their time to watch me perform!”
Despite the DJ scene still being a male-dominated space, Mikasan tries not to overthink whether or not she will be welcomed. “I want to make a space for myself so I can share that room for women and the queer community,” she says.
The young talent also graces the space of visual arts. From stickers to prints, her shop The Gloom creates enigmatic tales with just a glance at the designs.
Looking bright
While imagination soars and vulnerability is championed in Mikasan’s world, she makes sure to stay grounded in reality. Her track “Manic” (with Katsukijk) not only showcases her cathartic scream but also her dedication to learn more.
“‘Manic” was inspired by my extensive research on BPD,” she reveals.
“Since I want to reach people, I intend to make emotion as tangible as it can be to the people who listen to them. Months leading up to the release of ‘Manic,’ I wanted to make a song about my current mental state,” Mikasan unpacks. “I cannot simply take charge of what I have to or want to do in a day. There has to be motivation, I need the energy and a convincing enough purpose. When I do have the motive, I end up taking advantage of it and overwork myself.”
This brainchild also let her release frustrations, particularly about the checklist she created for herself: (To become) fierce, sexy, pretty, cool, and cute. “But with all the eyes possibly watching me, it twists my guts well enough for me to go back to my shell, away from the watchful eyes,” she confesses.
Everything seems to be happening all at once. But if we walk back to the origins of Mikasan as a name, it can feel easier to drown out the noise. Heck, it’s also enough reason to watch out for her next time to twinkle: “I thought about having my full name out there, but I want one that sounds more like a pop star.”
Get to know more about Mikasan at @mikantation and @ri.rillera.
Read more:
Psycho Silver is at the helm of my latest film noir fixation but in music form
In Filipino band Nameless Kids’ story, there is a right time to ‘bloom’
Rising collective Kindred does music like a family—but not the toxic kind
Header photos by Jonnie Cheng (L) and Fiona Valenton (R) courtesy of Mikaelle Santelices
