Philippine Daily Inquirer / 01:27 AM August 06, 2011
I’m going to go straight to the point. I’m scared of being alone. I just came from a break-up and it sucks. I just feel so blah. How do I pick myself up?
–Anonymous (via Tumblr)
I’m a little hesitant to answer this question for several reasons, one of the main ones being my last break up was almost 10 years ago, and my displacement from what that feels like makes me worry that I won’t be sensitive enough to what you’re going through.
Another reason is that I believe in God, so I’m always in good company, and furthermore, know that “alone” is a frame of mind you allow yourself to be put in.
But as detached as I assume to be, there’s one thing that I want you to visualize and embrace. It’s something I’ve held onto for a while, and shared with people when given the opportunity. It’s my little “Pendulum Theory.”
Much like a pendulum, you’re going to go through life experiencing different extremes. You’re going to swing back and forth, feel good one day and horrible the next. Your confidence is going to waver. Your faith is going to oscillate. Sometimes you’ll be convinced you can do it on your own, and other times, you’re going to drop to your knees and scream silently for any type of contact––a text, a call––something, anything, to hold you down.
I need to you to be patient with yourself. Allow the pendulum to swing, allow yourself to feel your feelings, but more importantly, allow yourself to let them go. Trust that there is a force much higher than yourself that is in control of it all, and that in time––at a pace that is unique to you––things will calmly, naturally find their middle ground.
While you’re in the process of finding that peaceful happy place, anchor yourself to things that pour value into you. Take classes. Express yourself. Try something for the first time. Conquer a fear. Do all of these things, and document them in words or pictures. Reflect a little, and maybe you’ll realize that the reason you’ve been given permission to be “alone” is because it’s time to invest in yourself, and not somebody else.
You got this. Watch.
I remember the last time I was crying over a break up, a friend said, “Sweetie, it’s only a guy, and that’s only ONE part of life.” (Ah-ha moment!)
I wiped the tears, listed down everything I wanted to accomplish on a notebook. I started to focus less on the past and more on the future.
I know I made it sound so easy! There will be tough road bumps ahead. Gather all your strength to refuse to look in the rearview mirror, and keep your focus on getting to the next destination.
What I learned from the break-up, and other setbacks in life, is it’s important to keep moving forward. Dreaming big about life will make you more excited about it. Break-ups aren’t bad, although the process seems like forever; but they have this ironic way of moving you to a better phase of your life.
The new life can start off as simple as this: creating a new schedule, wherein you prioritize everything you want to learn, work on, and achieve. Start picking up the books you neglected. Set that appointment for your massage. Hit the yoga studio. Meet with friends. Travel. Try a new dish. Renew yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Sometimes you just need to pour more love back into yourself to heal.
Romantic relationships are just one aspect of life, and there are a lot of other things in life you can find happiness in. You just need to take a moment and appreciate all the other great successes that’s happening.
Know that the successful feelings you create inside yourself won’t ever break up with you. When the right time comes, you’ll find the right person. You know what they say: happy and fulfilled people will radiate and attract the right persons for them. But with all great things in life, you probably won’t see that coming, either!
As this road unfolds, you will look around and see new places, new faces, and the moment you finally do look into that rearview mirror, you’ll only be staring back at your sparkling set of eyes. Remember to wink back, feel the breeze, turn up the music, and enjoy the drive.