Emily’s Post

Should he tell his married friend he loves him–and risk losing the friendship?



I’ve been in love with a man from the time I met him when we were boarders in a house for two years. We became close friends, and I was the only one he invited to his wedding a few months after he left the boarding house.

We’ve kept in touch ever since. Though I work in a far place, he asked me to be one of the godfathers of his child. We see each other at least once a year when I go home and I get to join his family for dinner.

I’ve been carrying this feeling for him for a decade, and my problem is I don’t know if I should confess my feelings for him. Other than the physical attraction, I feel he cares for me as well when we’re together. I am afraid, though, that things may change badly for us once he knows my true feelings—though I already think he knows something.

Do I forever hold my peace, so as not to risk the friendship, and silently “suffer” and just enjoy the time with him? The second option of telling him seems so frightening.

—Friend in Need

He considers you a friend. He now has a family who considers you family. And though you suspect he knows of what you are, he obviously has shrugged it off as something that doesn’t concern him and something he will not meddle with.

How well do you know yourself? How much do you think you know this friend? Enough to know his likes, biases, cup of tea, and other nuances that make up his complete personae that make you love him?

What exactly do you want to happen once you’ve made your confession to him? Are you prepared to suffer the consequences of freeing the anguish you’ve borne for a decade? Or would you rather continue enjoying his company and harbor this innermost secret till kingdom come?

It’s been said that love can sometimes be magic… and that magic can sometimes just be an illusion. You are a discerning guy from the looks of it. Quiz: Which could you bear more and live with without destroying yourself?

Life is full of choices.

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  • WeAry_Bat

    It is no different in girl-boy friendships where either the boy or the girl, despite many examples already, destroy the relationship by telling feelings of love when the other party does not expect it or accept, at all. Just an imagination.

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